Sparrow and Linnet
by Charlie-lass
Summary: When Jack wakes up one morning and finds he is married And of course she’ll want babies, all women want babies, except maybe Anamarie, but it may be because she’s more pirate than woman,” UPDATED, FINALLY 071007
1. “I know! I’ll prove it, marry me!”

First PotC fic, please be kind. If she begins to be anything MARY SUE like tell me and I'll try to cull it immediately. 

And of course: DISCLAIMER, DISCLAIMER, DISCLAIMER  
I am merely borrowing the characters I will try to have them back in relatively one piece, except for Jack. 

Alexandra, or Alex as she preferred, killed the engine on her car and hefting a toolbox beside her got out and locking it behind her walked into her small apartment. Her life hadn't been going all together right these past few months, her boyfriend left her for someone more 'spiritually aware' than she was, fucking hippie, she though grumbling in the darkness flicking on a few room lights as she did. Her now ex-boyfriend, a new age 'guru's last words to her was, I hope that somewhere in the universe there is someone for you, she'd thrown a vase at him in response.  
  
"Alexandra, its your mother, you're sisters engagement party is next week and I want to remind you to wear a dress. Call me before the party."   
She snorted at that as she listened to her messages sitting astride on her bed. Her toolbox, which actually contained her plethora of knives, sat to one side of the doorway, locked as always. "Alex, its Bryce, I just wanted to know if you could do a five hour shift at the abattoir tomorrow? I already know you have a three hour shift at the butchery after but if you can call me back."   
  
She teetered on that, she was a butcher by trade, for her it was either that or pluming and she preferred to keep the crack of her rear end a private matter. She'd worked at the abattoir as a part time job while she also had her apprenticeship at the local butchers, now she was full time and she really preferred cold meat now that live animals. Alex sighed and picked up the phone.  
"Bryce Curkland."  
He answered.   
"Bryce, its Alex, I'll do the shift."   
Finishing the call she hung the phone up and went to sleep.  
  
The next day seemed to be a blur for her, She got to the abbetoir, she was working the early shift, got kitted up, took out her own knives and did the shift, changing into her butchers clothes she then drove across town and did the shift at the butchers, by the time she'd finished she wore a mix of black, blood splattered work pants and her white butchers shirt which also had blood stain on it, she was sure she'd get pulled over by police, she looked like a deranged butch murderer.  
  
Going through her normal routine she pressed the message button but this time hauled the toolbox up onto the bed with her. "Alex, its your mother, please ring bout the party, I saw a nice mauve dress the other day and-" She hit delete before her mother's message could finishes, a big pass on that.   
"Alex, it Lyle, I know you're still angry about the break up but I think eventually you'll forgive me,"   
The moment her ex's voice started she felt very tired her head drooped into a pillow while her hand still limply clung to her toolbox.   
"I'm sure that somewhere in space and time is a man who's accept all of you and you'll be as happy as me and Angelique and you'll get married like your sister and-"   
She didn't hear anymore her head felt so heavy she felt almost sucked in by it, her body seemed to spin and circle and she clutched at whatever was around her, she could feel something, her toolbox, her knives, cradling it she entered what she though was a dream. 

  
Alex seemed to watch her life in this dream pan out like a movie, she was in some port, it was nondescript but old, like she was in a period movie. She watched herself walk along the streets her toolbox clutched tightly in her hand, she met up with a handsome man, he teetered back and forth as if very, very drunk, which he possibly was.  
"'ello, luv."   
He slurred eyeing her.   
"Y'know luv, you're a very pretty lass."   
She nodded.   
"You're not so bad yourself, Mr..."   
"Sparrow, luv."   
He finished throwing an arm around her shoulders and urging her to walk with him.   
"Captain Sparrow, pirate, defeater of immortal skeletons and chief of-"   
"I have to be leaving now, Captain Sparrow."   
Alex watched herself from wherever she was in this dream but the man caught her.   
"D'go lass, I'm in luv with you, yer a very pretty lass."  
  
"You're drunk as a skunk, Captain."   
He nodded smiling but skill holding onto her arm.   
"Aye, but I'm not lying."   
He seemed to trail of and think in his head he stood up straight and letting go of her arms opened his arms wide,   
"I know! I'll prove it, marry me!"   
She stopped and titled her head perplexed.   
"Excuse me?"  
"Marry me, luv. That way you know I love ye and we can sail away on the Pearl and live happily ever after unless Elizabeth gets kidnapped again and the whelp interrupts me life... again."   
Alex watched this all unfold and suddenly she felt herself being pulled into her own body, she had conscious control, and considering it was a dream and she was currently on the look out for a man be he dream or otherwise she accepted. "Alright, Captain Sparrow, I accept."   
The man nodded his brown eyes twinkled.   
"Glad I brought me pistol along, let go find a priest to threaten."  
  
Alex felt a beam of sunlight stream onto her face waking her she tried to wave it off but it wasn't working. "Feck off!"  
She grumbled snuggling deep into the covers.   
"My day off, sleeping in, go away."   
Turning away from what she felt was a wall her hand fell onto skin, warm skin with muscles under it, it emitted a groan.   
"Bloody 'ell, shouldn't have overdone it last night,"   
He murmured, Alex opened and eye to see a man, the man from her dream, Captain something or other. Looking around she saw she was in a room or cabin of some sort.   
"Morning luv."   
He looked down at her his brown eyes held an intensity that almost made her smile, the kohl around them made him seemed darker, nor evil but darker somehow.   
"Who are you?"   
She questioned beginning to get up only to find he'd wrapped an arm around her waist.   
"I'd be asking the same question of you, luv."   
Alex tried to pull away but her tired muscles protested and she relaxed back down into the bed and into his arms.   
"Alex."   
He quirked an eyebrow.   
"Alexandra Linnet."   
She shrugged.   
"Sparrow,"   
He replied,   
"Captain Jack Sparrow."   
He moved suddenly and sat up watching her.   
"Did I pay you last night or do I have to give you your fee now?"  
  
It was Alex's turn to quirk an eyebrow.   
"Fee?"   
"Well ye are a wench, aren't ye, lass?"   
Alex jumped out of the bed and looked for a weapon, she could see her toolbox sitting, locked on a chair and all she could see was a pistol.  
"I am not a whore, Captain Sparrow; if I was would I still have all my clothes on?"   
It seemed like an absurd question even for her to say but it was the only thing she could think of as she pointed the gun, the very archaic gun at him. Slowly he stood, clothed only in pants and began to walk forward.   
"Look, luv, just-"   
His foot touched a piece of paper and he picked it up reading it briefly.   
"For the love of god."

  
Forgetting the gun she grabbed the paper out of his hand, it was some sort of official thing. 'Certificate of Marriage' it had written and down the bottom she saw her signature and obviously his.   
"This is bullshit."   
She said, the Captain was up behind her and ranting.   
"Of course this has happened, why not, bloody 'ell. A wife!"   
She looked at the date,   
"Backwards in time?"   
"Of course you'll live here with me, why not, take me plunder, women don't belong on ships, I didn't really believe Gibbs but now I think I'm beginning to believe him."   
She watched him pace and rant he seemed to flounce around as he did making the performance camp if nothing else.   
"Captain,"   
"And of course she'll want babies, all women want babies, except maybe Anamarie, but it may be because she's more pirate than woman,"   
"Captain,"   
She tried again watching his act.   
"What am I going to do with babies? "   
"Captain!"   
He turned and looked at her,   
"Aye, luv?"   
"We are not married."   
He smiled at her and threw an arm around her shoulders.   
"Did I write the wrong signature?"   
She shook her head.   
"No, but we can't be married, I don't even know you."   
He shrugged.   
"Don't know you either luv, only the odd thought that I proclaimed I loved you once."  
  
  
  
First Chappie done, plz review and tell me if I should continue it. 

Charls. 


	2. Consumating the Union

Second chappie! Thanks for my 1 review, oh I feel the love!

Disclaimer: Don't own much of anything related to POTC apart from my sordid little fantasies.!

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Alex rolled her eyes and pushed away from him and surveyed her surroundings properly the wood was dark not back but a deeply stained wood, the windows that surrounded the end of the cabin were painted with black and encrusted with salt on the outside, overall it was inside and out a very pirate-like ship.

"I think I know how we can fix this."

She said almost applauding her own brilliance. The Captain who'd begun rummaging through a chest of draws looked up gave her the once over and went back to whatever he was looking for.

"How's that luv?"

She rolled her eyes at his accent and began correcting him, "I am not your love, my name is Al-"

"I 'eard you luv, yer Alexandra Linnet, well Alexandra Sparrow now,"

She stared at his form, a moment ago he was ranting about their predicament and now he seemed to be accepting it with a large amount of nonchalance.

"Hold on one moment there Captain!"

He immediately turned and gave her a smile that would have made her knee's wobble if she hadn't been so determined and annoyed.

"Who ever said that I was taking your last name as mine when we got married?"

He moved closer and threw some clothes to her which she caught unthinkingly. "Ye don't think I'll be takin' yours do ye luv? Captain Jack Linnet? I sound like a bloomin' ponce, or worse an English officer."

Alex couldn't argue with that, it did sound ridiculous. Shaking her head she changed the subject or rather moved back to the subject of which she was first on.

"We've only been married overnight; we can go back to the celebrant or whatever and have the marriage annulled."

Jack looked at her his brown eyes calculating her words. "But to annul a marriage…"

"We haven't consummated this union, Captain, nor are we going to any time soon. Annulment is a valid way to do it," She meant to continue on but he began shaking his head.

"Never let it be said that Captain Jack Sparrow never consummated a union with a pretty lass. I'm a man of me word and I'm quite sure I promised ye that we'd consummate this union as ye said."

Oh, Alex thought, he is quite smooth at this.

"Then I'll divorce you." She replied shrugging and trying as hard as she could ignore the lingering idea's about 'consummating' with him.

"Sorry luv, that can't happen either."

Alex was close to yelling at him he'd made it clear that he didn't want to be married and yet now, try as she might he wouldn't agree to get out of the marriage.

"Why? Pray tell Captain, why can't we divorce?"

He smiled his gold teeth twinkling in the light of the cabin.

"Simple lass, I'm a catholic, and we were married by a catholic reverend."

"And Catholic's don't believe in divorce." He nodded. "But you're a pirate." He shrugged at her argument; apparently he was a god-fearing pirate.

Alex wrung her hands wanted them to be around his neck, "For a man who doesn't want to be married your not exactly helping me find a way out of this."

She stared at him as he moved towards her tool box and nudged it,

"This yours luv?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah, there my knives, now will you help me figure out how to fix this."

The captain shrugged in response picking up her box and shaking it looking at the lock for a few seconds. Sighing Alex put the clothes he'd thrown to her on a nearby chain and took the box off him.

"Focus! I feel like I'm trying to talk to a three year old with ADHD, how the fuck do I get out of this marriage with Hoochie the camp pirate captain from Planet Rummy?"

Jack stopped all movement and stared at her quirking an eyebrow, "Come again, luv?"

Alex sighed and clutched the box to herself.

"I'm not making any sense because I'm deficient in sugar."

He nodded and began towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?! You can't just walk out we have to figure out how I can get out of this marriage."

He paused and spun on his heel, smiling. "Thought I'd go down to the Galley and find ye an apple, it might fix this sugar deficiency ye mentioned. Anything te stop ye calling me Hoochie again."

Alex smiled and tilted her head assessing the captain as he located a shirt and pulled it on, up until them Alex had been in too much of a state to realise he'd only been half dressed. "I won't call you Hoochie again if you stop calling me love."

He smiled and shook his head. "Not a chance, luv, besides it's what every married pirate captain calls his wife."

She glared at him as he opened the door and headed out, "I'm not your wife!" She yelled after him, only meeting a closing door for her worries.

Jack came back to the cabin after about thirty minutes that gave him enough time to explain the circumstances to Mr. Gibbs and Anna-marie. It also allowed him a few seconds to go to the galley and grab an apple for his sugar deficient bride.

"Ye decent, luv?"

He asked walking in without waiting for an answer; he looked across to see her in the clothes he'd thrown to her.

Alex was now garbed in a pair of black breeches that stopped just under her knee, wearing any sort of shoes with then was impossible, especially with her wardrobe, or lack thereof. She'd taken off her white butcher's shirt but had left her black singlet underneath which was easily seen through the white shirt, the vest, which she'd found in a chest of draws scrunched up hiding several item's of jewellery.

"Food," Was all Alex said when she saw him, he threw her the apple and she bit into it without delay.

"Well, ye seem to have settled in."

He commented, his room had been tidied up a bit, her strange looking box sat in the middle of his small dining table looking like an odd looking centrepiece, Jack moved across the room and once again picked it up.

"Will you stop that? I just found my key for it."

Lucky for Alex she'd stuffed her house key's complete with the one for the padlock on her knife box in her pocket. Moving over to him she put the box down unlocked and opened it.

"What did ye do before ye married me, luv?"

"Alex, Captain Sparrow, Alex." She retorted as she picked up various knives and set them down on the table.

Now being a butcher of chef allows you access to a wide range of knives, varying in size, shape flexibility etcetera, but Alex's had expanded, she owned a dagger or two and a few knives she could place in her clothing, or secure a sheath underneath her favourite boots and know she'd have some protection out clubbing.

"I was a butcher, but I generally just like knives."

Saying this she pulled out her flick knife and smiled.

"Nice te know ye can handle yerself, luv."

He smiled stepping back and taking a seat in an empty chair.

"I noticed we're on a boat,"

"Ship," He corrected, "my ship, the Black Pearl."

Alex saw the sparkle of joy in his eyes and couldn't help but smile.

"Yes well, if you're a captain as you say don't you have captain-y things to do, Stand on the top deck and look important, pour over maps, tap your compass, anything."

"I'm talkin' with me wife aren't I? Isn't that duty enough?" She threw a shoe at him.

"Whether I enjoy this title of being your wife or not, you call me a duty again and I'll carve you wings for heaven all over your back."

She smiled and began looking through the box for the delicate knife used for de-boning fish and chicken, now that would work well for such work.

He raised hands in mock defeat grinning and coming closer being wary of the knives. "Ye've made yer point, luv."

Alex lifted the thin flexible knife up and pointed it at him, "Ah, Alex, ye've made yer point, Alex."

She nodded and jumped up off the bed putting the knives back in the box. "If I can remember your name, Captain, then you can remember mine."

He smiled and began to stalk her, his eyes suddenly smoky with want. "How do I know that ye know my name? All ye do is call me Captain, aside from the fact that yer the only one who remembers that I am in fact a captain, ye've never called me by me name."

She shrugged and moved back away from him making sure she still had a blade on her, better the weapon you knew than the devil you didn't.

"There hasn't really been an occasion that called for me to called you 'Jack', has there?"

He smiled at how she said his name, slow, soft and precise. "I like the way you say it, Alex, luv."

She swallowed and nodded, was it suddenly very hot in here or was it just Jack's sudden burst of testosterone? "Good, Jack, good to know but now I need to know something."

Alex moved back until she found herself against a wall, Jack finding his opening moved to cover her body with his own trapping her in with an arm on either side of his body.

"I'm not a duty now am I?"

He chuckled at her voice soft and breathless; Jack lowered her head so he could plant soft kisses along her law and neck causing his beard to tickle her.

"Ah, Jack… Jack?"

"Mmm?"

She put her hands on his chest to try and push him away, it wasn't working. "Captain Sparrow!"

"I like Jack better," he murmured as he continued his exploration of her neck.

"I need to know something!" Jack wasn't listening and Alex knew it, good thing she had a high tolerance to these things, 'no' being her favourite word.

"Ask away, luv."

"Where's the privy?" Alex could almost feel the heady desire fly right out the window; the love god had flown with the mention of a toilet.

"Excuse me luv?"

"The privy, you did leave before I knew where everything was."

He ran a hand down his face rubbing his beard absently, pointing to the small door close to his bed. "Right over there, Alex luv, help yerself."

Nodding Alex ducked under his arms and made her way across the room.

"Jack?"

He looked up again eyes almost excited as he heard her croon his name like that, "yes luv?"

"You won't consummate this union so easily."

With that she closed the door and Jack banged his head on the wall, why did he have to get stuck with an alluring amazon temptress for a wife? It was cruel and dangerous for a man like himself especially since she'd just proclaimed her 'virtue' a challenge to be taken. It might take him weeks to do it, but eventually Captain Jack Sparrow was going to consummate this union and then he'd do it again and maybe again after that to make sure it was properly consummated.


	3. Heat Down Below

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Observe the disclaimer:

NOT MINE, I'm sure you, the readers, knew this but I though for the sake of saving my legal behind I'd make it abundantly clear.

> > > >

Alex poked her head out of the door. She'd finished with the privy, after spending several minutes shuddering at the look of it. Obviously it was almost as hygienic as it could be in whatever time she'd been thrown into. Jack was no where to be found and her knives and such were exactly where'd she'd left them, though it did look like he'd rattled the box again, in truth she was surprised he hadn't tried to open it so he could take off with anything shiny.

Obviously the great Captain had finally found some Captain-y come Pirate-y things to do and stop trying to seduce her, not that it wasn't fun with those liquid brown eyes, that half a grin and… no! Alex growled at herself, she couldn't be thinking like this. Even is she was married to the man she wasn't going to simply jump into bed with him because he was yummy and good looking and sex in a pirate costume and the beads and she really had to stop thinking like this.

"Alexandra, you're an idiot." She scolded herself trying to keep her mind away from those thoughts, though from what she remembered from his bare back with its tanned skin and rippling muscles. "Stop it now!"

Thankfully her mind obeyed her this time. All thoughts of Jack had disappeared and she decided to take time to reflect of her situation.She had been thrown back in time, after listening to her ex-boyfriend's message. Extremely Spooky Evidence Number One, he'd obviously found her someone totally oversexed in the past and decided to dump her on them, thanks a lot.She'd been half duped into marrying the drunken sod because she thought she was dreaming. Extremely Annoying Evidence Number Two, or would that be number one? Alex shrugged, why did she feel the need to examine everything and number it away? Calm collected Veneer, she though, let's just blame it on the veneer.

There was a knock at the other side of the door.

"Yeah," Alex replied waiting for undoubtedly another piratical male to come and annoy her, maybe this time he has alcohol.

"M'name 's Tom, ma'am. Tom Brown, the Captain…" The boy looked nervous, undoubtedly Alex thought not too many Pirate Captains were married and if they were they probably didn't cart their wives around with them. Probably much harder to rape, pillage and plunder that way.

"Yes… the Captain, Mister Brown," he fidgeted with a dirty rang he held clutched tightly in both hands and taking a breath steadied himself.

"Thecaptainwantedtoknowifyou'dlikemetoshowyouroundtheshipmissusma'amsir."

Alex stared at him, overly amused but tried to conceal her smile,

"Could you say that again please, Mister Brown a bit slower this time?"

He nodded and took another deep breath, the poor cloth in his hands being twisted and scrunched as a result of his anxiety.

"The Captain wanted to know if you'd like me to show you 'round the ship, ma'am."

Alex nodded and giving herself a quick once over. Her 'new' pirate clothes in place she figured she was about as ready as she ever could be. With a gesture she followed the boy out and on deck.

The deck of the 'Black Pearl' was a buzz with activity, there was a breeze on the air and there were several men aloft in amongst the sails and masts moving ropes and tying off this and that. She could hear voices down in the mess hall and of course at the Helm stood Jack. He seemed to have a strong glint in his eyes, not necessarily stern but commanding, there was something about his character that almost demanded some sort of rank or title and obviously being a Pirate Captain suited his sense of debauchery. Besides with that flounce that she could only surmise was his normal walk wouldn't really fit in well with a Port Governor or a gentleman of standing.

"This 's the deck ma'am an' up there 's the Poop Deck, where the Cap'n is." Tom rattled off small bits of information; Alex nodded trying to keep track of things she knew she'd need to remember later on but knew she'd be asking someone again in the near future. Tom stood close to her, his skinny and leanly muscled frame was constantly moving and he seemed unable to hold still, he would trace patterns with his fingertips on the wood, run his scraggily nails along ropes or just twist that piece of tattered cloth between his two hands as if ringing it dry.

"Could we see the Mess, Mister Brown, I'm a bit hungry."

Tom nodded giving her a sort of half bow as she did and just before they stepped down Alex turned to see Jack staring at her, she gave him a small nod and turned to follow Tom.

"This, is not food." Alex stated as she starred into her bowl of brown 'stew', it was gunk. Tom sat beside her a small bowl in front of himself, he seemed to be wolfing it down, happy with the taste of it. "It's the Cook's best stew."

She shook her head, "it isn't the cook's best anything, this is the best imitation mush I've seen in a while. Who is the cook?"

Tom paused form eating briefly to think, "Danny 's his name, he's up on deck helpin' the captain, only cooks in the mornin's."

Alex nodded and pushed her bowl aside in front of Tom. "Eat it Tom, you need to get more meat on your bones, than I do. Who knows," She said pausing briefly, "If I stop eating maybe the Captain will lose interest in the more fleshy part of my body." He didn't pause to thank her.

She moved up and poked her head into the Galley and held back a shriek, it was dirty and disgusting, oh, if only her mother could see that. Turning slowly around to glance at Tom, she simply shook her head. She wasn't going to stand eating the gunk they called food, and if she wasn't, then neither were the crew. It looked like to Tom was fast becoming the best candidate for her own a scullery maid.

"Tom," She called as she stood in the doorway from the Galley to the Mess.

"Aye ma'am?" He replied getting up and walking over, his form hunched a little when he spied the look in her eye, he knew what it meant, work.

"These dishes and benches, I want them clean."

Alex walked up and out of the Galley before he could respond.

"Oi! Which one of you is Danny?" Alex stood up on deck and yelled to the silhouettes she could see aloft in the sails.

"I am," A voice replied, she turned to see a short heavily muscled man on his way down from the ropes.

"You're cooking is terrible." He nodded and shrugged. "And…"

She grinned and shrugged back, well that part was easy.

"Congratulations, you're no longer the cook, but can you fish?"

He nodded and Alex just knew everyone thought she was mad. In fact Alex found herself agreeing with her, which was rather disconcerting. Her mind was just running too fast for her to catch up.

"Good, catch me a dozen edible fish."

By the time Alex had finished ordering Danny to the fishing pole and conducted her own search of the lower holds, she'd found several exotic spices she knew she could use in cooking, Jack had found himself waiting for her in the Galley as his former Cabin Boy, Tom hurried about washing and scrubbing and swabbing the floor.

"Brilliant!" Alex almost sang as she walked into the room several boxes in her arms.

"That's me booty!" Jack protested at once, he knew they were from the holds, spices or some such things that he could sell at any port and make a very tidy profit.

Alex shook her head as she set the boxes down on a clean bench.

"Actually they're my cooking supplies. Everything that's yours is mine now." She shot him a cheeky grin and bushing a few stray hairs back from her face looked at the Galley.

"Nicely done, Tom, now could you go and see how Danny's doing? I need those fish."

Jack watched the boy run off and stared at her confusion clearly marked on his face.

"What are y' doin'?" His hands accentuated the question and he gestured about the place.

"I'm going to make your crew an edible dish. I'm not a sailor or a buccaneer, I'm a butcher and a cook, so that's what I'll do. I mean, what else can I do about here?"

Jack's face fell into an easy smile and he gave her body a once over.

"Don't even think that." She warned picking up a wooden spoon that lay on the table close to her.

"I may be a resident in your bed but it's for one reason, sleep. Any activity, apart from the aforementioned reason, that takes place in that bed will be with a partner outside this marriage. Sleep with a cheap whore for all I care, Jack. I'm not giving you my body. Just because we were both duped into a marriage ceremony where you were too drunk and I was too 'starry-eyed' to stop it."

Alex finished her speech by leaning back on the bench with a no nonsense look on her face while Jack seemed to remain unmoveable, a vague smile still on his lips. It seemed almost destined that at that moment the ship pitched and she was thrown into him.

"Blasted ship!" She growled as she fought to steady herself, trying to ignore, at least for the moment that her body was flush up against his.

"Knew ye couldn't fight it, luv." He purred into her ear and wrapped his arms around her lower back. Alex let out a sigh and whacked him, the wooden spoon firmly in her grasp.

"Oh, let go of me you rum soaked idiot! Get back up on deck, steer the ship, make your pirates catch me fish, I don't care, get out of my way."

Jack chuckled at her and letting her go he walked back up on deck.

"And tell that lazy eyed pirate, Danny, to clean those fish before he gives them to me!"

>>>>>

For any of the old readers who are were waiting for an update, behold for I have reappeared!

For the new readers, welcome, join the club, we have jackets.

Apologies for not updating, pure laziness on my part. Everyone knows that reviews equal faster updates and I was sorely lacking in that department. Yes I do realise that I posted this after CBP was released and there is now the addition of DMC so I hope I can make some details ambiguous enough to be able to still have it reasonably canon.

That it from me, please review it's what keeps me going. Oh and a big thanks to soaringphoenix86 whose review after a large hiatus away from got me back into the game. Enjoy. CC


	4. Meals and Titles

Observe the disclaimer:

Tra la la, I don't own it, tra la la, never will. I just like to play with them and put them back after I'm done no hard will be done to them I swear! Well… I might steal some of Jack's beads, but that's it!

Several hours later Alex stood over a large boiling pot of fish stew. She'd seasoned it with the spices she'd found, Cumin, Ginger, even some chilli. These must cost a fortune in this day and age. She made best use of what fresh vegetable were left on the ship, these included peas, a few potatoes and a few onions. Jack's ship had began to thoroughly amaze her. For such bad cooking its Galley was well kept under the grime and the cooking utensils pretty good considering the time.

"Call the angry hordes in for Dinner, Tom m'boy." She waved at him as she began filling the innumerable bowls that waited next to her.

She brushed the stray dark curls out of her face as she continued pouring the bowls of stew, they began to file in and taking the bowls that sat on the counter that adjoined to the crew's Mess. No one seemed to be complaining, the very fact she hadn't heard much noise was a good thing, she thought, maybe pirates didn't react to good food like normal people.

"That's everyone for now." Tom voiced as he picked up his own bowl.

"For now?" She replied looking at him.

"The Cap'n, Ana and a few of the crew are still in the rigging." He replied as he went to sit down.

"Still in the rigging? Can't Jack bloody well weigh anchor? Its dinner for heaven's sake,"

Grumbling about the mans lack of respect for food she stalked up on deck, to confront him about it.

"Jack!" She cried out as she walked out onto the deck mesmerised, for a moment, at how the sea looked at night.

There Jack stood at the helm, his eyes out to sea, lost in thought she caught sight of Ana and a few other members making their way to the galley, so she'd have the argument in peace.

"Jack," She repeated walking up the stair so she didn't have to yell.

"Aye? Oh, Alex, luv… it's you." His eyes sharpened as he sized up her unhappy look.

"Yes, Jack it's me. Weigh anchor." He lifted an eyebrow at her brusque command.

"I don't think so, luv, we're making good time."

"Your dinner is down in the galley, quickly being eaten up by the rest of the crew, I suggest if you want to eat get moving."

Jack gave her a once over, the woman meant business. Most women did when it came to food and such things. He held up a hand in apology and shook his head.

"Who will steer the Pearl, everyone else is away eatin' which leaves me to be tending to the Pearl."

Alex waved him off and put a hand on the wheel.

"She's not too hard to steer, Jack, by the looks of it you haven't turned the wheel at all, and we've been going straight for a while."

She moved closer and took hold of the wheel with two hand and staring down the middle of the ship and the ocean beyond she knew why Jack liked being in this spot, even if he wasn't doing much.

"Harder than it looks, luv." Jack replied putting his hands on the wheel, covering hers as a result. He moved his body close to hers and moved so he could talk softly in her right ear.

"You have to feel the movement of the ship, know how she's going, all her aches and groans."

He whispered to her his warm breath in her ear made Alex's stomach flutter ad the soft tickling of his beard made her just a bit too under his control.

"Gibbs, should be finished, Jack, he can take over. You need to eat, Jack." She said still lost in the view before her. Jack's hands slowly moved from the wheel to her waist where he pulled her softly against him, in a gentle embrace.

"What if I'm not hungry?"

Breaking her gaze she turned in his hold and stared matter-of-factly into his eyes.

"You're too thin Jack, besides you look famished."

"Aye, that I am luv, but not for food." Alex let out a laugh and shook her head.

"It's not going to be that easy to consummate this marriage of ours, go and eat before I threaten you with a knife."

He let out a disparaging sigh and moved back making Alex shiver at the loss of his body heat.

"Keep the wheel in that position, I'll send Gibb's up and I'll eat your bloody stew."

She just nodded still looking out to sea, she couldn't seem to look away, it seemed so desolate and lonely and yet so free and magical.

"She's beautiful."

Jack broke her out of her reverie; his voice seemed so gentle and soft, nothing husky in it.

"Yes," Alex agreed staring out to sea, "she is."

He walked down to the galley; Alex hadn't noticed that he'd just been staring at her.

"I'll take that off ye missy, the Cap'n wants te be seein' ye."

Gibbs hand seemed to envelop the wheel, there was power there, and knowledge, he was a man who knew what he was doing, clearly a man who was in love with the sea.

Alex meandered toward the cabin enjoying the sounds of the ocean and the motions of the ship and its crew. This in its quiet moments, this part right here, she though, I could handle dealing with this. She finally wandered into the cabin to see Jack pouring over maps and consulting the compass, pausing to look up and smile only to go back to them. For a moment Alex was disconcerted, there was no conversation, no leering, Jack was… almost serious looking.

She walked around the desk and settled herself on the bay window seat to stare out at the endless water behind them, it was so gentle, and yet a little strange. She'd been on boats before, even a ship or three, but this with its creaking and groaning, seemed to have an agreement with the sea, it didn't want to overpower it like the modern ones did.

Unconsciously she began running her hands on the stained wooden panels with the yearning that she would want to have a relationship with 'the Pearl'.

"What's on yer mind, luv?"

She turned sharply and looked at Jack who seemed to be intently observing her, what happened to his map fiddling?

Letting out a sigh she shrugged, "nothing I guess, just getting to know the Pearl. She's very pretty."

Jack seemed to be affronted for a moment and standing, unsteadily he gestured around the room.

"Pretty? The Pearl's pretty? This ship right here is a masterpiece, she is gorgeous. A work of art for…"

"I get it Jack. You're in love with your ship."

She help up a hand to halt what had sounded like the beginning of a monologue and was stopped herself when he grasped her hand and pulled her up.

"Have you ever seen a more magnificent ship, luv? Not one is like the Pearl."

He spun her as he continued his praise, stopping herself from going into another spin he took it upon himself to pull her in, cunningly wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Wedding waltz?"

She questioned, deadpan as he directed their haphazard movements around the cabin.

"Live in the moment, Alex, luv."

He replied, his hand slowly slipping further down her waist, it was at that point Alex initiated her own spin. They seemed to sway for a few moments in silence before he broke the truce that the lack of noise has created.

"I'm glad you like her."

She lifted her head which had seemed to be lolling towards resting on his shoulder.

"Who? The Pearl? How could I not? Considering I was tricked into being the woman in your life the only thing to do is to get along with the love of your life."

He laughed at that, using that very sneaky I'm-up-to-something smile, Alex was starting to learn the cornucopia that was Jack's facial expressions, the amount was steadily growing longer and decidedly more debauched. As his hand began slipping once again she nodded her head towards the table.

"Where are we heading?"

Jack shrugged.

"Port. Not exactly sure which one yet, but you can't continue to wear my clothes, thought I might pay a visit to some old acquaintances."

"Your Rum bottles empty."

She commented offhand as she continued to look around the cabin. Look away, she thought, don't look into his eyes you can't trust your impulses if you look into his eyes.

"Yes." He said, his voice short and resigned.

"Fate has decreed that the Rum with disappear whenever I need it."

She raised an unconvinced eyebrow.

"I think considering the amount you smell like you drink a day you would just absorb it via Osmosis now."

He raised a mirrored eyebrow, looking completely confused.

"You manage to be very articulate for a cook."

"Chef." She retorted sharply. "I'm a Chef, Jack Sparrow.

"Captain, Captain Jack Sparrow."

Biting her lip she couldn't resist teasing him just a little.

"I'll use your title if you use mine."

Well my one update and I actually get hits on my fiction! So here is my shout out to my 3 reviews, possibly not much in some opinions but at least people are responding.

**Anguloce**: Thanks for the review. I actually haven't got a completely clear idea of what my premise is but the essential Big 5 of the story is worked out so maybe the mud will clear soon enough and I'll get down to the nitty, gritty of it.

**Soaringphoenix86**: Wahay! You've now reviewed it twice, I have a fan! I really had to give the fic a proper read-over when I saw DMC, some things may be a little more vague because of it in the future, I mean we don't know what's coming up in POTC 3. Thanks for reviewing again. Hugs and cookies for the review.

**Captainsallymae**: I don't have much more to say than thanks for the review, and for calling me dearie! It makes me feel special.

I'm placing my warning at the end here. I'm back for my second sem of Uni tomorrow so if I'm back to my lazy updating habits, just bug me till I do update. I'll try my best. CC


	5. Rum in Demand

DISCLAIMER: Sadly I don't own them. I'm just playing with them, I'll give them back relatively clean, Disney, I promise!

Alex awoke with that same feeling of apprehension each and every day since she'd almost literally landed in Jack Sparrows lap. She'd lie there in the bunk style bed her eyes squeezed tightly shut in case her dreams may have sent her somewhere else. She'd been doing it for at least three days now, and every time she opened her eyes, it was the same cabin, same ship, same crew and of course same Captain whether he was inhabiting the cabin at the time or not.

Alex had found that a ship quickly gained a monotonous flurry of activity that with exception of the wind and land stayed relatively the same, with the conversation alternating subjects every two hours or so. She had thought the gossip that went on around her old restaurant's kitchen was bad, there was nothing worse than hearing pirates gossip about other pirates on other ships saying that 'One-eyed so-and-so' was definitely sleeping with the whore from Tortuga, no not the dark haired one with no front teeth and a fondness for yellow, the blonde one with all those tattoos of sex positions, yes that one who never wears pantaloons. Honestly!

Luckily her cooking had become a hit, stewed and steamed fish was becoming the norm, with Alex hesitating to kill the resident goat just yet. There was only so much you could do with goat's meat and she personally didn't want to try and do a roast masterpiece in a wooden ship. She was keen however to get a hold on the blood to cook up several black puddings.

So she would lay there in the mornings, fighting the need to get up until necessary. Apart from her culinary skills she didn't really have much to offer the ship, and even then she only needed to make a simple midday meal and put her effort into dinner.

"Alex, luv?" He hadn't burst in that time; Captain Jack Sparrow had learnt to knock. She grinned at the memory as she finally spilled out from underneath the covers in the direction of door.

"Y' decent, luv?" He called again just before she opened the door.

"Like you would care, Jack, if I said no you'd be in here faster than the Pearl on a Spanish merchant ship." She'd begun to learn the lingo and shorthand, it was really quite fun.

"I'd like to keep all me bits intact for when we finally consummate this union of you and I, luv. If I have to wait outside me own bloody door, then so be it."

Alex had threatened him two days ago. He's barged in looking for some map or something only to stumble on her pulling on one of his shirts, three suggestive smirks and one subtle flick of a filleting knife later; he left, without the map but not without his manhood.

"Pity, you'd make a good eunuch, always wanted a husband who could sing."

Jacks answering look went from deeply wounded to humorous.

"I can sing if you want luv," he took a deep breath and Alex braced herself, "yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!"

It was then she decided to give his two chin braid a good sharp yank downwards, he managed to stop singing.

"Ye've got to look at that nasty streak in yer luv. You could really hurt someone."

Alex walked towards the ever increasing pile of dirty clothes and began shifting through to find a shirt that wasn't encrusted with salt or food stains, she failed.

"What do you mean could, Jack?"

He held his hands up in defeat. And grabbing the bits and bobbles he needed quickly, carefully avoiding the open box of knives quickly exited stage left. Leaving her, much in the same state she'd begun at, only now she was out of bed, which meant she should probably think about heading down to the galley and to her kitchen boy.

"Young man, you put down that bottle of run this instant!" She'd caught him red handed. Tom stood there in shock a bushel full of carrots next to him, a half empty bottle of run held limply in one hand. It was not even eleven according to her body clock and the master of the sun, Gibbs, and there he was, getting toasted.

"Boy, you'd better come up with something really good to avoid me cutting off an ear or something. You don't even know how hard it was for me to filch that bottle from jack to begin with?" The sloshed boy suddenly paled when he realised he was not only drinking the designated 'cooking rum' but it had formerly been owned by the captain.

"I was only testing it!" He protested putting bottle down and holding his hands up as he saw her hand twitching for a knife. Stalking over she grabbed him by his ear, and twisted.

"I ought to tell Jack. I ought to throw you out of my kitchen."

Tom pales as she began her tirade, then she stopped and smiled.

"I don't think I need you down here today, Tom. Go up on deck and join the boys in swabbing. I'll be fine."

His face was one of shock; working down in the galley compared to anywhere else on the ship was easy and relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Alex."

She lifted and eyebrow and nodded, "I think after one day not working down in the galley and you will be."

He walked dejectedly out of the galley and she grabbed the bottle for a long swig. Pirates, she thought, can even leave my cooking supplies alone.

Gibbs stood down on deck looking up at Jack. He'd been in a curious mood, one moment he would have a smile on his face and then the next he was sullen or offended. It didn't take a smart man to know he was thinking about his wife, Alex. Now she was something different. She didn't give into the Captain's charms, nor did she completely reject him. Gibbs found it all highly amusing, finally there was a woman who would Jack would have to work to get into her good graces. His walk and smile didn't do anything to affect her; she simply snorted something about Tortuga whores and went right back to work.

"Gibbs!" He looked up to see Jack calling him and moved quickly up to the helm.

"Aye, Jack. What do you see?"

The Captain pointed simply to Tom, lifting an eyebrow.

"Alex has sent her kitchen boy on deck, to work."

Gibbs commented, though he was confused about why the boy wasn't picking up a fishing pole.

"Yes, which makes me wonder what mood she's in; the boy's obviously done something wrong." Jack thought for a second stroking his chin and lifted a finger.

"I've got it! It's got something to do with Rum."

Gibbs gave Jack a confused look and took hold of the wheel as Jack began to head down towards the galley.

"Not everything has to do with Rum, Jack."

He didn't think he'd heard him as he disappeared below decks.

Jack paused at the last few steps before he waltzed into the galley, he heard angry murmuring, angry female murmuring. This was not good.

"Bloody pirates! Can't let one bloody thing go can they? A bunch of selfish old hens that's what they are."

Alex was the source of the murmuring he deduces as he slowly descended the last few steps into the lair of the fire breathing dragon… wife. His plan to be sneaky was a good one, he was Captain Jack Sparrow, he could be as sneaky as he- damn those squeaky boards.

"You."

She hissed sharply as she whirled round knife in one hand and half empty bottle of rum in the other.

"All this is your fault, Jack!"

He paled at the sight of Alex in full blown fury, almost as bad as, he paused for a second, nope, definitely scarier than the Kraken.

"Alex, luv what's wrong?"

He was shifting from foot to foot trying to decide if he should attempted to console her thus attaining the Rum or stand back and thus avoid the knife.

"You, the whole lot of you. Oh, don't mind me cooking for you everyday, but won't even allow me to keep one bottle of that god forsaken Rum of yours for cooking."

Jack looked at the bottle, and reached for it without thinking.

"That's one of mine-"

Narrowing her eyes she drew back and threw the knife, it wedged itself quite happily into the wall next to Jack's head.

"Don't you even start you cirrhotic livered, bead wearing buffoon. I'm not in the mood."

And with that she quite happily smashed the bottle on the ground and stalked past him.

Alex stormed across the deck aware that obviously quite a few of the crew had managed to hear her shouting. She eyed them one by one, daring them to comment. She was stuck on this damn ship without any personal space and there was no way she was going to have her actions challenged, unless of course that lead to a full blown verbal argument with Jack possibly following physical argument, which mean ripped clothes and warm skin and why did she always think about make-up sex at the most inopportune times?

Right amazingly enough I have gotten a reasonable amount of review so if I can… if you don't care just stop reading… now.

**DugaDugabowbow**: Thanks a lot, thanks for the review, please keep reading.

**soaringphoenix86**: Ah yes that evil Liz and Jack moment. I've got a cunning plan for that. So cunning that I won't tell you, that's how cunning it is. And if you don't watch Blackadder that humour was lost on you. Thanks for the private poke; you got me into an update, again. Not a long one but eh. Oh, and yes, Uni is hell.

**IrishLily**: Thanks for the update and of course she rocks. There's nothing better than a good woman to get a cute pirate onto his knees and actually work to get a woman for once. dreamy sigh

**LovelyPink**: Look! I'm updating, just like you asked. Thanks for the review and I hope you keep reading.

**hieilover014**: Yes, yes she is. That will not change; I think she enjoys making him squirm.

**Dragonlass**: Wow, two reviews from you. I'm all shocked. I did change the rating. It may go back later but them again my plans for the story have changed so much since I started it who can say?


	6. Soup and developments

DISCLAIMER: Update from last disclaimer. I still don't own POTC, sadly. I am still going to play with it so there. This week a dash of 'Pirates of Penzance' for fun, if people can pick the three songs used you get a net cookie! CC.

"Alex."

The voice was hard, decisive and thankfully female. She turned to see the slightly amused face of Anna-marie. The female pirate gestured towards the helm and, not waiting to see if she accepted, headed towards it anyway.

"If you're going to defend-"

"Christ no!" She laughed, "Some of what you said was things I'd been dying to say."

Alex gave Anna a sort of appraising look; clearly she was now a member of the female pirate club.

"Look Alex, Rum is a part of life around here. You can't go crazy because your kitchen boy was drinking some."

Her eyes grew wide.

"That was my Rum,"

"Now you sound like Jack."

Anna-marie retorted quickly.

"Well it was, I stole it fair and square. Honestly I can steal half of the very expensive spices for my galley but one bottle of rum to soak meat in and everyone comes to his defence?"

"Not everyone, I'm just pointing out."

Alex nodded and looked out at the sea; they seemed to be in a deep canal of the water with reefs skirting either side as small islands began to pop up.

"Is it safe to say we're heading to Port?"

Anna-marie shrugged and turned to look at Gibbs who had been listening to the conversation, he'd been so immobile that Alex had almost missed him entirely.

"Cap'n given us a heading I'm following his orders."

With that he went quiet again. Alex looked at him back and nodded her hand motioning for more info.

"What the hell is our heading, Gibbs?"

He turned startled,

"Tortuga to offload the booty and while the crew unwinds and restocks you an the Cap'n are taking another ship to Port Royal."

Alex cocked her head thinking; she didn't have a clue about any of these towns or what they reputations were, so where had they come from?

"Nassau to Tortuga isn't a bad run, Alex don't worry about it."

That was Anna; well at least someone had the foresight to give her information.

The evening came around again slowly, according to the talk they were making good time and the parrot had said that the wind would pick up. Alex guessed that a parrot was probably the best Weather Bureau that they had and she might as well get used to it. Though she had been playing with the thought that if she gave him fruit would the forecast be better?

The meal that night was in the form of broth from bones with some chicken in it from the one she'd done away with earlier, after Jack had gone or she would have preferred to throw the bowl of chicken blood on him. It was with that idea of a piratical slasher movie that she called up to the crew and began dishing out the grub.

"Alex, I'm sorry."

She looked down, beyond the bowl that she was ladling into to see Tom, a very sad and dirty Tom.

"My god boy, what the hell happened to you?"

"Tarred ropes. I think I got sunburnt."

Her eyes narrowed at him and finished with his bowl.

"That'll teach you to go into my kitchen stores. Now if you really want to come back into galley report after you've finished you can do the dishes.

His response was half groan and half cry of joy.

She was reaching the bottom of her pot. The broth was amazingly enough a success, and there was only Jack and herself to feed. Amazingly enough, Jack was not on deck.

"Tom…"

"Cap' n in his, sorry, your cabin, Been checking the maps for shoals. Dangerous reefs around some of the islands, Alex ma'am."

She smiled and taking two bowls she excused herself from the galley. It didn't really hit Alex until she was about to open the door, and with two bowls of soup this was no easy task, that he'd avoided her since her blow up that morning. She had no idea how he would react, it wasn't his fault, really, she was just frustrated and needed to vent.

Ever so hesitantly she pushed the door open and walked inside. Jack sat at his desk yet again maps strewn everywhere, pausing every few seconds to listen, probably to the ship and the water. Alex wasn't sure if he was ignoring her or if he was simply oblivious. She placed his bowl at the edge of the maps and sat away from him so he could continue his work.

They sat there in silence as both of them ate. Jack pausing to point at things on the map and grunt occasionally and Alex watching him out of the corner of her eyes, he was still a curiosity to her.

"Wonderful food, luv."

He said shortly as he pushed the bowl back and went straight back to work. Alex was beginning to wonder if this was his payback, simply ignoring her as much as possible.

"Jack, about the knife in the galley-"

"You missed, luv. I'm busy with these maps for the moment, how about you relax on deck and I'll talk to you in a moment."

Almost without thinking she got up and began to clear the bowls, immediately following his suggestions. They were too softly spoken to be considered an order, but it put her off guard all the same.

"Jack…"

"When I'm finished, luv."

Her eyes grew wide as he cut her off and she was about to snap back when he looked up and gave her a small smile.

"I don't have a chance to do these things all the time, Alex. Give me my peace and I'll meet you out on deck."

He sat back in his chair and smiled sneakily.

"Alternatively you could persuade me to stop work now."

She snorted.

"I don't persuade the way you're thinking. I'll wait on deck."

Alex wasn't sure she'd ever get used to the view that seemed to accompany the Pearl at night. The sound of the waves was soothing but the inky blackness that they sailed through was relaxing and at the same time very disconcerting. This from a girl who was pedantic about using high beam lights at a moments notice when on the road.

"Don't think I like that look on your face."

Jack's voice managed to cut through the relative pensive mood with annoying ease. He managed to say something enticing enough to drag her away from her daydreaming, or in this case night-dreaming, and at the same time make her want to bite at the idea of an argument.

"If you find the look of my thinking upsetting I'm beginning to think you married me for my looks and not for my brains."

She turned to see him smiling.

"Well your looks were the major draw, luv. The fact that you can cook, that was a hidden plus."

Without trying to aim she went to smack him on the shoulder, he not only managed to deflect her half hearted attack but grabbed her arm. Lifting one eyebrow she let out a sigh.

"If you're going to attempt to blind me with your piratical charms again should I pretend to be effected or just watch on with amusement?"

Jack pressed his hands on his heart, and hers with it, Alex noticed exactly how taught the skin was.

"You wound me every time, luv. How can I capture your heart if you don't even let me get close?"

She stuck her tongue out at him and her mind pinged with memory.

"Did ever pirate loathed forsake his hideous mission, to find himself betrothed to a lady of position?"

Her voice lilted slightly with the tune she knew accompanied it. Alex grinned as Jack thought, not letting go of her hand.

"I wouldn't exactly say young Will's mission to rescue Elizabeth 'hideous' and when she went to save him her position had lowered. What are you getting at, luv?"

She sighed and shook her head, tugging at her arm slightly to see if it would budge from within its Jack enfolded prison, it wouldn't.

"I, I'm sorry that I threw the knife at you Jack."

She felt something rough on his fingers and looked up to see he was scratching his chin with her hand.

"You've already apologised, Alex."

"Then why are you holding my arm hostage?"

She countered pulling her arm, this time with more force behind it. Meanwhile Jack began stroking it with one hand whilst keeping it tightly clutched in the other.

"I like your arm. I like your hands better, talented, just imagine what you could do with them outside of the kitchen."

His eyebrows lowered as his eyes half closed in an attempt to arouse her.

"I know what they can do, threaten your lower dangly bits with a good sharp chop."

With a slight flinch and a deep sigh he let her hand drop as he wandered down the stairs towards their cabin.

"Once you've quenched your thirst for castration are you planning on sleeping?"

His question was so bland without ulterior motive that she responded immediately.

"I'm just going to take in a little more air then I'll come to bed. It's been a long day."

Jack seemed to use a new smile this time, one of perfect understanding, before heading down towards bed.

If Gibbs noticed the conversation, or progress of the relationship he didn't say a thing merely stood at the helm with a slight smile on his face as he watched Alex giggle and begin to sing.

"Here's a first-rate opportunity  
To get married with impunity,  
And indulge in the felicity  
Of unbounded domesticity.  
You shall quickly be parsonified,  
Conjugally matrimonified,  
By a doctor of divinity,  
Who is located in this vicinity."

She paused for a moment and began again.

"Oh, better far to live and die  
Under the brave black flag he fly's,   
Than play a sanctimonious part,  
With a pirate head and a pirate heart.

For he is the pirate king."

At this she burst out laughing and disappeared down below her head full of thoughts of Jack on stage in a pair of purple pants and mountains of clean clothes, her clean clothes.

Lots of reviews again! I am shocked if this keeps up I might actually have an idea where the rest of the plot will lead… a scary thought.

**DugaDugabowbow**: Thanks for another review! Glad you liked it.

**Enchantersnight**: In truth I think I would have collapsed too. Or glomped him! Thanks for reading and reviewing, I hope you like the rest.

**soaringphoenix86**: Rum meanness is allowed if it's for the greater good! Besides, vodka is better. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. SO much in fact I was set straight back to work to it the day after I updated. Your official Pm nags are getting my creativity flowing. I have not given up on it again. Luckily I have my little friend vodka and the 'Phantom of the Opera' soundtrack to help me. With a little Gilbert and Sullivan for flavour, voila! Instant chapter! Coincidently friday is never my day of rest. I work fri, sat ever week. Thanks for the nudges and for the reviews.

**IrishLily**: I quite enjoyed that kraken like myself. Personally I like the 'cirrhotic livered, bead wearing buffoon' better. I've only got little DMC in it for now i.e. the Kraken but I'm hoping to put a few smatterings around. Thanks for reading and reviewing again!

**FancyGalloway**: Yes I wanted to break away from that genre with a large flying leap. I can only hope I can keep up the quality of my work, and my attention on it. Thanks for the review.

**Xxsparrowlovexx**: Yes, violence is on the way. I find the fact that she resort to it to stop herself from giving in to him fun to play around with. Thanks for the review and the v nice words.

**Robin Goodlass**: God I hope Alex isn't Mary-Sue-esque at all! I've been on a few ships myself and I normally sit there dumbstruck as people rush about. About as useful as a damp cloth really, and Alex isn't any different, bar her amazing expertise in the kitchen. Plus side is I have background knowledge in her 'job' so it makes it all the easier for me to write. Thanks for your review and your comments, they are greatly appreciated.


	7. The Spanish

DISCLAIMER: Alas, I'm ye to control Disney and thus own POTC, better luck next time. CC.

Alex knew it was time for her to get up and once again she resisted the urge, she was warm and comfortable why did the world want to torture her so. Groaning and rolling over caused the arm wrapped around her waist to tighten and the body that it was attached to groan in response to hers.

"Morning, Jack."

She said softly and threw her head back into the pillow. Jack merely grunted back and they laid there for a few minutes before she heard him sigh and throw the covers back, it was time for the Captain to get to work.

She turned her back on the room and pulled the covers back over herself savouring the warmth Jack's body left behind. She deserved a lay in; she had been getting up and making bread every day bar one since she'd landed herself on this boat.

"What is all of this?"

Jack's questioning voice cut through her sleeping reverie and she turned to see him standing amidst several piles of clothes. Alex rubbed her face and moved to the outer edge of the bed to get a better view. Tilting her head to one side she grabbed the nearest foreign article of clothing to examine it closely. It was one of her singlets, at least it had to be one of her singlets, she was quite sure there weren't any tags on clothing at this point in time.

"I think they're mine, they must have just appeared overnight."

Granted that vague explanation didn't really fit with her once well developed sense of logic but since landing in this situation Alex had really done away with logic and decided it was best if she just went with the flow.

"How?"

Alex shrugged and got out of bed grabbing a pair of pants here, shirt there, and very discreetly snatched a bra and pair of underwear so she could at last be completely comfortable in her own clothes.

"I guess I went to bed thinking 'I wish I could have my own clothes here' and I deduce that it happened… somehow."

Jack grabbed her causing her to drop a pair of jeans and underwear as he pushed her back onto the bed.

"Good, now think 'I wish for all the rum I could drink'. No! Think 'I wish for all the rum Jack could drink'."

Alex's eyes widened and she shook her head at his bizarre request.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jack."

"Just wish, woman!"

She grabbed his hand that were holding her down on the bed and moved them away from her person.

"Just think, Jack, you now have your wardrobe back."

Jack left the room still bewildered at how this magically appearing clothing debacle had occurred and how much it had considerably improved Alex's mood. He was getting used to her, not quite as slowly as he'd first imagined, in fact she'd quite quickly found her niche in the crew and thus a nice corner of his own life. She could cook, she didn't snore, he enjoyed having her sleep next to her and heaven save him the smell he left of the sheets and on his clothes was intoxicating. He knew he had to move faster along this road toward consummation or he might find himself lost.

Alex happily wandered through the river of clothes, her clothes, clean clothes. The faint scent of washing power that clung to them almost made her cry out with joy, then again her sweaty, smelly body and less than clean hair didn't exactly match. After stowing the garments away and pulling on a pair of jeans and t-shirt she finally made it to the galley. She had a date with blood, offal and a pail of goat's milk. Ah, black pudding.

A few hours later Tom stared into the large pot of boiling water giving an uneasy glance at the round sausage shaped black puddings. He didn't doubt that Alex (ma'am, sir) knew what she was doing he just wasn't certain if the crew would eat it. He looked over to the Captain's wife as she roughly kneaded dough for yet another fresh loaf of bread. She wore very well fitting pants and a strange shirt, but then again, in his opinion, everything about Alex was strange, fierce, commanding, beautiful, but strange.

"I think you're about right to put those puddings in now Tom. Just whack the lid on top when you're done then get me out some bread pans, we'll have a rest when everything's in the oven."

They sat at one of the mess tables Alex sitting quietly feeling the gentle rocking of the Pearl while Tom wolfed down the secret batch of scrambled eggs she'd made for them both. She thought it was justified, he was young, a runt and needed her protection, Alex felt like if she could teach him half of what she knew he could make himself a more valuable member of the crew. If he knew how to cook, and cook well, he'd be indispensable. However her maternal thoughts were interrupted by a slight sharper rock than usual.

"Tom?"

She asked her body becoming more alert by the jerky movements. Tom merely lifted his head from his now spotless plate.

"Yes, Alex ma'am?"

"Should I be worried by this motion?"

Tom stopped and listened for a moment, there were very distinct sounds in the distance.

"Ah… yes."  
"Cannon fire?"

She tried to go for nonchalance but failed dismally and instead ended up with nervousness.

"I think you're right Alex ma'am."

At that split second the ships bell began to ring hurriedly, they were under attack and all she knew she could do was to have Tom protect the bread that was baking.

"Jack!"

Alex ran on deck towards the helm, her heart in her throat. She knew he was a pirate and that pirates stole and plundered but she really didn't want to die today.

He turned and as he saw her swore.

"Get yerself below, luv! You'll injure yerself up here."

She snorted as she reached his side.

"No more than you, Jack and I think that's the least of our problems. Who's attacking?"

He pulled out his telescope and aimed it in the direction of all the trouble.

"I can't exactly make it out."

Alex sighed and snatched it from him.

"Let me try, my eyes are younger than yours."

Jack made a sort of chocking sound, she hadn't exactly said he was old, but near enough was close enough.

"Spanish"

She said shortly as she handed the telescope back.

"What do you mean by your eyes are younger."

Alex patted his cheek in a fond way.

"Not that this isn't exactly the best time, Jack. But let's face it, you married a younger woman."

Jack turned to face her, confused.

"Still don't see why you can call me old."

Gibbs stared at the two of them dumbfounded that they would start an argument such as this as they were being attacked by a Spanish galleon.

"I said 'my eyes are younger' but if the hat fits…"

The Galleon shot again, luckily the Pearl was out of range and with the last few sails being hoisted they would gain more speed, that was if the Captain to tear himself away from arguing.

"Jack,"

Gibbs started touching his arm.

"You heard what she said, Gibbs?"

"Aye, Cap'n but now ain't the time unless you want te meet Davy Jones again."

The look on Jack's face was of total dread and he rushed to the wheel.

Alex lifted an eyebrow at this sudden surge of piratical responsibility.

"Someday you're going to tell me all about your zany adventures before my time travel, and considering what I just said I could probably believe just about anything."

The first hit landed on the Pearl just as Alex was strapping a knife to her waist, clearly the Pearl wasn't 'the fastest ship in the Caribbean' as Jack bragged at a drop of a hat.

"Jack!"

She screamed out as she ran onto the deck holding onto a railing so she wasn't thrown. She hadn't been sea sick yet, much to her own amazement, and she wasn't about to start now.

"Hold up, luv, I'm having a touch of trouble here."

He spun the wheel sharply to one side causing the ship to veer sharply to starboard attempting to cut off the ship that was very nearly on their heels.

"I can see you're in a whole lot of bloody trouble. They're not blasting their damn cannons at us, why?"

Anna-marie was suddenly by her side brandishing a pistol.

"They'll wait till they can give us a full broadside attack or, if they're that arrogant they'll just board us, kill half and take the rest prisoner."

Alex looked at the woman dumbfounded,

"The Spanish in these parts are showmen and this is THE Pearl. What a prize to have captured her without damaging her too much."

Alex turned her head back to Jack who was being handed his cutlass and pistol my Gibbs, both had a very grim look on their faces.

"Alex, luv, get down below."

For once it wasn't posed as a suggestion or even a teasing hint; it was an order point blank, an order from her Captain.

"Not on your tanned arse. I've just as much right to fight these bastards as you have. Besides, Tom's watching your dinner, everything'll be fine."

Jack grabbed her arm and began walking.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Jack?"

Alex raged as she was forcibly dragged down below. The pirate in question didn't say a thing until he'd properly deposited her in their room.

"For once, luv, do as I ask and stay down here."

He let go of her arm and for a second his hand seemed to hover over her face.

"Be safe."

With that Jack left. With that Alex wasn't sure she had wanted him to leave, not that crazy, hot, angry sex would be the sanest thing to happen on a pirate ship when there are Spaniards closing in but nothing in this situation was exactly sane. Alex wasn't sure she wanted to have sex with Jack, but she was sure there was no way he was going to get killed before she'd made her mind up.

sigh not as many reviews this time. It almost made me want to wait before I updated again. Lucky for you readers I couldn't. But remember reviewing helps me updated, it keeps my fragile sensibilities intact. CC

**soaringphoenix86**: I have to agree with you, she is very tough on him. And that idea about Gibbs having a chat to Jack isn't such a bad idea, we'll see what's in the cards about that one. So glad you enjoyed the songs, it wasn't like I wanted to turn it into a song-fic but I just couldn't resist!

**Pawys: **Looks like you are enjoying it, I don't think Alex would every hurt Jack too badly, just enough to keep the game of cat and mouse running, but which is which?

**Robin Goodlass**: I'm so happy that you really like it and you're enjoying my characterisation. The three songs were: 'Oh better far to live and die', 'Here's a first-rate opportunity' and 'What ought we do' all from Pirates of Penzance. The purple pants was a reference to an Australian version I've seen too. I'm so glad you like it please keep reviewing.


	8. When the Spanish attack

DISCLAIMER: Yeah, I own it! Y'know what I own the world too, what ya gonna do about that huh! Bub? Just kidding, I'm just a poor uni student, living on the edge.

Alex found that if you hid behind the three gunpowder barrels that sit at the bottom of the first set of stairs; you can get a good view of the deck above. At this point in time she couldn't exactly see much of the action, just people running about, but she knew the ship was getting closer and instead of continuing to try and run Jack would let them board, and hopefully flog the living daylights out of them.

"Alex?"

She spun around quickly ready to say that she was down below and not on deck and why does Jack have the right to order around anyway, only to find that it was Tom, holding a wooden spoon, looking very concerned.

"Oh, hello Tom. How's the galley? Everything still alright?"

She attempted to sound nonchalant, it didn't work, in fact she failed miserably.

"S'alright Alex," Tom started patting her shoulder, "Captains been through a lot of these battles we'll be fine."

Alex started to glare once she heard his name, they better be alright, and he better be alright, because if he died she'd kill him.

Jack stood proudly on deck his cutlass belted to his waist as he saw the ship get closer. If it was a fight they wanted, that's what he'd give them, besides with Alex on board he wasn't sure if he wanted to put the Pearl through yet another broadside attack.

"Get ready lads, they're only the Spanish, yev fought worse."

The crew let out a nervous round of chuckles as they waited for the ropes to carry the first sailors over.

Ten minutes later and Alex had still resisted the urge to go upstairs, had listened to the fighting, impersonated a boxing commentator as she watched one tussle and sharpened her dagger and still she didn't go up. Personally she thought she was doing well, she was staying down below, the Spanish was staying above deck and her kitchen was safe, keep it that way and she would be able to follow Jack's instructions. That however didn't happen. They had to come down, and quite simply Alex had to stop them, she also had to protect her galley.

"That's far enough."

She said determinedly as she stood in front of two of the Spanish intruders.

"Mujer."

One said mockingly and lifted his sword in what Alex was sure was meant to be a sexy and dangerous way, she sliced his arm.

"Aiya! Puta!"

He cried out grabbing his arm and gesturing for his comrade to continue the fight.

"No me jodas, hijo de la puta!"

Alex spat at them and dived into the fight.

It wasn't exactly like you saw in the movies, there weren't any really flashy moves and for the most part Alex was attempting to dodge the rather long blade and lunge at their arms, legs or not-quite-eunuch parts with a much shorter blade.

Alex had gotten reasonably pissed off when one of them had snagged a lucky shot and got her leg, after she'd tripped him.

"Holy crap!"  
She cried out as she stepped back her leg burning with the sword wound.

"That was a shitty shot, hombre."

Alex growled at them and was certain that her anger would incarnate into a fantastic fighting style, that insane idea was doused with reality when her knife got knocked out of her hand due to the fact that her two attackers were knocked out.

Pulling herself out from under the now dead to the world assailants she saw Tom looking quite smug with a very heavy skillet brandished in one hand.

"You'll make a great chef."

Alex conceded smiling and taking back her knife and liberating one of the swords went up the stairs to join in the fight.

The scene that met her as she got onto the main deck was something she'd expect to see in one of the old American pirate movies, not in everyday life. Telling who was who was the easy part, the Spanish wore uniforms, but as far as winning? That was anyone's guess.

Anna-marie seemed to be holing her own near one of the rear cannons and with Gibbs nearby they were putting up a good fight, but Jack… surrounded, swaggering and taunting, typical.

Alex fought or rather avoided her way towards him, dodging swords, sailors and fisticuffs with anyone till she got close enough to Jack to lend a hand.

"Jack!"

She cried out as she lunged with the sword ridding him of the assailant behind him.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

Alex expected that reaction.

"Saving you arse I expect."

Alex ducked as a sword swiped close to her head, when she'd stood back up and fended off another attack Jack grabbed the back of her shirt.

"I told you to stay down below!"

He yelled, and looked surprised for a second when Alex took aim and threw her knife…into a soldier swinging on a rope towards them, they moved slightly out of the way as he let out a cry and landed back on the galleon.

"I was going to, until they decided to pay me a visit. Then I decided, if you were incompetent enough to let them get that far into the ship you wanted me to help fight because you said you wanted to keep me safe, but clearly not that much."

He looked shocked as she finished her spiel and fought off a soldier as he continued to stare gob smacked. Alex looked at him and tapped his cheek, tugged in a chin braid, nothing.

"Jack?"

Before she could tug his chin again he'd pulled her close wrapping his free arm around her waist and fiercely mashing his lips to her, Alex stood there surprised and merely enjoyed the experience.

Breaking the contact Jack kept hold of her waist.

"Be safe, we'll have a chat when this is over."

With that he launched himself back into the fight, and left Alex wanting, wanting his lips, wanting his body, wanting… oh she hated that man sometimes!

Alex could almost hear herself cheering, they were winning, the Spanish were retreating! It was largely a fight she'd attempted to control. The whole piratical murder on the high seas thing wasn't really her thing, but she'd done what she could to keep herself and the crew safe. It was enough to appease her sensibilities.

"Puta!"

A sailor yelled at her running at her, she rolled her eyes, the insult was getting rather old and personally she was getting tired of it.

"Walk away, hombre."

She yelled out as she brandished the cutlass and waved it about threateningly, he kept running, shit. She hated it when they did that. She stepped aside as he ran towards her aiming to give him a reasonable cut on his chest, and she did that but then he stumbled against the railing and fell overboard, still clutching Alex's arm. Plummeting towards the warm Caribbean water Alex just knew Jack wouldn't be happy.

"Throw the Spanish overboard, any of the crew dead, Gibbs?"

Gibbs, tired and slightly bloody shook his head,

"We've got two badly injured, Captain."

Jack nodded and as he looked along around the deck he saw his crew, alive, victorious and missing one wife.

"Where is she?"  
He ground out his teeth gritted and hand clenching the hilt of his cutlass.

"Who?"

Gibbs asked and was jabbed in the ribs by Anna.

"My bloody wife!"

He began to storm around on deck looking for the annoying present of Alex.

"Tom!"

His former cabin boy ran forward,

"She ain't in the galley, Captain. Haven't seen her since she got on deck."

The captain let out a sigh; he'd lost sight of her after the kiss. He didn't know what had possessed him but once she'd mouthed off at him he could resist shutting her up in the most delicious way. Her lips were sweet, sharp, perfect and full of promise, and then he'd lost sight of her.

"Anna,"

"We'll find her Captain, no need to get your heart in a twist."

Minutes later and Jack knew for sure she wasn't on the ship, he was almost certain the Spanish hadn't taken any prisoners. The deck sounded dangerously silent as the crew were beginning to figure out that she'd gone.

"Captain, I'm afraid she must have fallen overboard during the fighting."

There was a sudden large, ungraceful sodden thump on the deck. Turning Jack spied the drenched, dishevelled figure as Alex.

"Of course I bloody well fell overboard! Some Spanish bastard dragged me along with him, European bastard. Nobody thought to check any of the grapples and ropes that are still hanging around did they, Christ!"

She stood up slowly the water dripping steadily from her. Her hair and clothes were plastered to her and Jack, just quietly, couldn't resist drinking in her form, gods she was delicious when she was angry.

Anna stepped forward quickly recognising the looks from both parties.

"Let's go to your cabin, Alex. So you can clean yourself up."

She didn't put up much of a fight as she followed the female pirate down below.

It wasn't until after dark that Alex had completely calmed down from the raging event of the day. It also wasn't until then that Jack had come to see her. She'd been resting on the bed rubbing some cream into her rope burned hands.

He walked in quite suddenly not knocking; old dogs can't learn new tricks she thought quickly and slammed it behind him, she sat up, this wasn't good. She'd seen aroused Jack, amused Jack, behaved Jack, crafty Jack, cunning Jack, even cranky Jack and many more of his facial and personality types but seething with anger Jack was something she'd yet to experience and it looked like she was about to bear the full brunt of it.

Spanish:

Mujer: woman

Puta: whore or bitch

Hijo de la puta: some of a bitch

No me jodas: don't fck around with me.

I know this was a long wait for the next chapter but Uni is Uni. Here's one with a small cliffie, got you guys waiting to hear what will happen when a worried and tired Alex meets a very angry Jack. Remember my fan writing side survives only on reviews and PM's so without them I may starve and die. So don't kill a poor writer and keep reviewing, for Alex if nothing else. Cheers, CC

**soaringphoenix86**: My faithful fan stalker. You gotta know I luv yah on. Three PM's later and I am updating, and worked very hard with it. Had to get six seminar reports, two essays and a scene breakdown into Uni before I could even think about updating but here it is.

**Second Star to the Left**: Glad you like it, I was just overwhelmed by uni that I had to take a break from fan writing. Please continue to read and review.

**Robin Goodlass**: Glad you enjoyed the argument. It was so fun to write, but coming up… an argument, with yelling! JOY! I'm going to enjoy writing the next chapter.

**Dugadugabowbow**: thanks a bunch. Please keep reading and reviewing.

**Jolly Rouge**: Wow, you mean I'm one of the first to introduce you to the fandom? I feel very lucky. Thanks and keep reviewing.

**Mooncheese**: Thanks! I'm trying very hard to do good characterisation. I don't just want to do Amusing!Jack or Serious!Jack, I want to blend the a-typical fandom character types. I'm working on some more serious stuff at the moment but more amusement to come in the near future of the story.


	9. Trouble on the Pearl

DISCLAIMER: If I wasn't myself I'd be someone who owned it. But I am myself, and only reincarnation can change it, and quite frankly I don't want to die just yet.

Alex got up from the bed and began backtracking. Not the best thing to do when he had already walked past the main part of the room and there were only walls behind her, but at that point in time she hadn't really examined the architecture.

"Jack…"

He'd moved to one of the chests to rapidly swallow half a bottle of rum, but when she'd spoken all attention was on her.

"Were you hurt, luv?"

His voice was low, controlled, he was being serious and personally it worried her.

"My hands on the rope, a cut on my leg, I'm fine really."

Jack advanced on her and as she hit the wall he gently took her hands in his to look at and then knelt down, lifting her pants to see her cut.

"That will need to be looked at."

He murmured.

"Anna's going to sew it up for me, so I'll need to borrow some of your rum."

There she'd left the opening and the bait, she was talking about rum, his rum, the consuming of rum surely that would take him out of angry land and back to drunken hilarity, but he didn't take it.

"You shouldn't have gone up on deck."

He said still kneeling down running a hand along the cut; she looked down at him, confused.

"Say again, Jack."

He stood up quickly, his face changed back to angry Jack.

"You shouldn't have been on deck!"

He stepped back from her after yelling and began to pace, if Alex had enough time she would have been amused by how he paced with that unique swagger of his but she didn't.

"I know I shouldn't have been on deck, you asked me not to, but they came down below first and I had to protect the Pearl."

Her voice was measured, calm; she didn't want to get into a screaming match.

"I didn't ask you, I told you and you should have bloody well listened to me, woman!"

Well maybe she did want one,

"You've got no right to order me about!"

He stormed right towards her, invading her personal space,

"I'm the Captain of the ship, Alex, in case you've forgotten."

She stepped back and nodded mockingly.

"How could I bloody well forget the famous Captain Jack Sparrow? You tell your stories often enough. You might be Captain of this ship but you do not control me."

"I'm your husband, you're meant to do what I say."

Alex's eyes grew large; he was saying the worst things in this situation.

"I may be your bloody wife but there is no way in the depths of hell that I'm going to become some bloody subservient, rule following wife, to a pirate! I hope you enjoy celibacy Jack."

With that she started to storm out however with the stinging in her leg it was more of a steaming, determined limp, but she got out.

She'd managed to limp to the galley as Tom was preparing things; the smells reminded her that this could still be her sanctuary.

"Alex!"

He squeaked as she ambled in, she gave a half hearted smile and sat down.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

She snorted at him and began cutting into a loaf of bread.

"In that cabin? Not a chance, I'm considering divorce."

Tom blushed a little at that and it clicked.

"So you heard…"

Tom nodded shyly never looking up,

"I'm pretty sure the whole ship did, ma'am."

Alex lent her head on the table covering it with her arms.

"You'd think after such a crappy day the universe would cut me some slack."

She mumbled into the table. She just knew that she could easily burst into tears. After all she thought it would be a normal day. She would cook, Jack would sail and they'd be in Port in no time. Clearly the universe hated her.

Alex drew herself out of her own self pity long enough to amble about the kitchen and knock up a quick gravy from some stock and juices left over. The bread had been saved, largely thanks to Tom's dedication to her cooking, and there was enough for the whole crew, the sausages had been cut into slices and there was now gravy and drippings to drizzle over the largely simple meal.

"Alex?"

She paused automatically, her instinct being that it was Jack, luckily it was a female voice, definitely not Jack. Turning she saw Anna walking into the Mess, where she was finishing off her early dinner, with a small pouch in one hand and a bottle in the other.

"Now?"

She said incredulously, hastily swallowing down the last remnants of the bread. Anna smiled and sat down next to her quickly pouring a glass for Alex.

"You'll want that cut sewn up and the sooner you get drunk, the sooner I get it done and the sooner you go to sleep and avoid Jack."

You could never say that subtlety was one of Anna-marie's talents, or that she sugar coated things.

"Anna, as long as I can sleep the rum off somewhere other than **his** cabin, sure thing."

The female pirate laughed and held up her rum bottle.

"To hell with him!"

She toasted, Alex quickly skulled her cup. Once finished she grinned at Anna her throat now burning with tears in her eye.

"To hell with him!"

Gibbs had watched the day's event play out rather calmly, if you ignored the battle that was. Jack was an idiot. Here he was fate had decided to give him a vision of loveliness, better than, a vision that could cook, who had managed to put up with him so far, who'd gotten along with the crew and he'd gone and, rashly, yelled at her.

"Cap'n I was wondering if I might have a word to ye."

Jack stood hunched over the wheel, brooding. He'd had a dark look on his face ever since the argument, not that he'd rightly heard what it was all about but he'd heard the yelling, and considering she controlled the kitchen he only hoped that it wasn't going to affect the rest of the crew nutrition.

"Aye, Gibbs."

The old pirate fidgeting a bit, trying to figure out how best to broach the subject,

"Well, ye see… the thing is, what exactly did you say to Alex?"

Jack whirled round his beads following him and comically whacking him in the face.

"It isn't your business, Gibbs."

He began fidgeting again and shook his head.

"I don't agree Cap'n, Anna said she'd heard part of it and is talking to Alex now. If this is goin' to affect the Pearl, I've a right to know."

He could see the battle begin to rage behind Jack's eyes. He wanted to yell at Gibbs, saying he wasn't to know about what happened behind closed doors, she was his wife and it was his business.

"I've right royally buggered it up."

He let out in a huff turning back to the wheel.

Gibbs wasn't the sort of man who talked about this stuff. Normally he'd leave the Captain right alone and have him sort out his own women problems, but Alex cooked. She looked after the whole crew and if she was angry and decided to serve them something truly horrible, well… he had a duty for the good of his stomach.

"What did ye say to her?"

Jack's hand clenched on the wheel and let out a frustrated growl.

"She's me wife, Gibbs! She's meant to be mine, do what I tell her, listen to me not to get hurt. Damn woman's so stubborn."

"Alex isn't an ordinary one, Jack. Anyone can see that."

The stitching hadn't been as bad as she thought, of course she couldn't see straight, things seemed to be getting fuzzy and suddenly the talking parrot was the most hilarious thing in the world. Alex was officially off her face. She was carefully lead down below and into a small storage room where Anna hung her hammock, she was carefully placed into it by Anna herself. It didn't take her long at all to be consumed by the darkness of sleep.

It was the knocking that woke her. BANG after BANG after BANG and if it happened to be the throbbing in her own head she night have been able to stand it, unfortunately for Alex it seemed to have manifested into someone knocking on the door.

"Who the bloody hell is it!"

She raged waving an angered fist outside her protective hammock as it swung back and forth, making the whole tableau seem a little ridiculous.

The door opened at it was precisely the one person she didn't want to see,

"You're not Anna."

Jack stated sharply as he eyes his bleary eyed wife, swaying inside a worn hammock with a look of death of her face.

"She's with Gibbs, talking about pirating things. I'm sleeping."

Her head cocked at that as she considered what she'd just said.

"I was, not as comfortable as our bed but it'll do."

Jack gave a half smile at her, it was clear that she was still intoxicated. Whatever amount she'd taken to let Anna sew up the nasty cut on her leg had clearly been more than ample and she had a strange bedraggled loveliness to her when she was drunk, and she rambled.

"I'm not coming back to our bed, though I want all my clothes. You have no right to be here."

She had said 'our' bed. Jack simply leant back and watched as she continued on her face exchanging from annoyance to confused rambling as she told him, several times, several ways, that he was to get out, that she was sleepy and drunk and that his bed, their bed, was very comfortable.

Taking advantage of the situation he simple walked over to the hammock, one hand holding it still and the other caressing her cheek.

"Sleep it off luv, we'll talk in the morning."

He bent down and softly pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Gods he wanted her. It was bordering on ridiculous how much he desired her. To have her sleep next to him in his, or was it their, bed, to have her pressed up against him her deliciously smooth skin run over hers as she curled up against him as she slept. To see her clothes littering his room, some so lacking in any real amount of material that he only wanted her to put them on so he could rip them off. She was consuming him and she didn't even know it. Jack shook himself and told him that he had to get out of the room before he took her while she was intoxicated and in no state to say yes or no. After a few minutes of watching her sleep he left, waging an internal battle with himself and his licentious mature.

I'm getting there. Hopefully by the next chapter they'll be in Tortuga, because to be perfectly honest with you I'm running out of things for her to cook on the ship, and being an amateur confectioner all this savoury cooking isn't good for me, I need some mousse y'know. Here's hoping you like the chapter, review incessantly, because I have to survive on those reviews, so make them sumptuously delicious. Gods I need some food… CC

**soaringphoenix86**: Here's the next chapter for you, SP. I finally got to write a little yelling match with Jack and Alex, jubilations! As for the stealing of the kiss… I couldn't resist. If you wish hard enough there might be some more romance in the next chappie.

**Second Star to the Left**: interesting review, there were so many different statements there I had to read it twice. But thanks a lot, seriously, in truth without you guys saying you'd like it I wouldn't be writing anymore of this and without that first Pm from soaring I wouldn't have decided to update again after a long hiatus away. But thanks to you, glad I can live up to a first time fan-readers expectations.

**Robin Goodlass**: Did you actually know the Spanish? Yay! I wanted to play with a little bilingual-ness in it. After all the only large amount of Spanish I know and can spell is all swear words. Glad you enjoyed it, please keep reading and if you think she's slipping at any time into suedom don't hesitate to give me a Gibb-slap (for those of you readers who don't know what a Gibb-slap is, its not related to POTC, it's a fan term me and my friends made up from watching too much NCIS)

**Oywidapoodles**: Alex and Jack having wild angry sex is defiantly on the cards. But yes all those glorious chapter of wonderful UST was fun to write and I will continue to do so, torturing readers in this was is joyful.

**Anonomous**: Glad you enjoy it, plase keep reading and reviewing. I can only hope to do the characters justice.


	10. Smoothing ruffled feathers

DISCLAIMER: If I wasn't myself I'd be someone who owned it. But I am myself, and only reincarnation can change it, and quite frankly I don't want to die just yet.

The sun was an evil thing, Alex decided as she rolled herself out of the hammock and lumbered her way to wards the galley. Noise was also evil, why did everything have to be so bright and so loud?

"Tom."

She croaked as she arrived sitting down quickly rubbing her face tiredly and chugging down water to get that disgusting fuzzy feeling out of her mouth, gods she hadn't had a hangover in quite a while.

"When do we get to Port, Tom?"

Her eyes were concentrating on an apple and maybe if she stopped swaying back and forth she'd be able to walk over and eat it.

"Spanish put us back about a day, Alex ma'am."

Success! She had the apple and would have sunk to the ground if Tom wasn't handy.

"Vegetables, Tom. We'll have soup again. You cut for the moment and when I can focus properly I'll help you."

She couldn't help but hear him snickering as she sullenly chomped on her successfully caught apple, tricky things fruit.

Jack stood on the deck avoiding the rather pointed look that Anna was giving him. He knew she knew that he'd been in the room with Alex last night, he didn't know how she knew but she did and female pirates were by the far the trickiest of all pirates.

He kept himself largely occupied by going over plans with Gibbs about their course and discussing the weather, wind and his compass. All very well constructed avoidance jobs.

The point of this routine was that while he'd resigned himself to the fact that Alex was probably never going to listen to him on certain things i.e. life and death situations, and that he'd never win a verbal fight. Jack, however, wasn't so sure if she'd resigned herself to anything but a hangover which could mean she'd been in a terrible mood which could mean if he approached her the situation could get worse. He also wasn't sure if she knew that he'd let her win, and if she knew that he knew he'd never win with their domestic problems then he knew that she knew that he'd never get any peace as long as she knew and used it. God, it was all so complicated.

He ran a tired hand along his face and let out a long sigh gazing off into nothingness, the crew largely avoiding their Captain. It was in these situations that the crew suddenly found their loyalty divided, following largely in Gibb's footsteps. Do they stay loyal to their Captain during this time of marital problems and risk poisoning or do they ally themselves with the cook, well versed in culinary goodness and piratical health? A perplexing tableau indeed.

After spending the remains of the morning sorting through what was left of the supplies and throwing out whatever was rotten or had been left for so long it had managed to develop language skills, Alex knew she'd eventually have to make an appearance on deck. It took up most of the socialising space on the ship and she was staring to feel like a prisoner in her Galley.

After making a trip to his, or would it soon become 'theirs' again, cabin, with Tom as the scout to make sure he wasn't in there already Alex changed into unsoiled clothes. Tied on hair back and, because she was still snippy at him, donned his hat and boldly walked out on deck. Her head held not quite as high as she wanted only because the sun was too bright and she still had the remains of a headache.

Out of his haze of staring he saw a rather curved figure walking, with a slight limp, across the deck in a hat… wait. Was that his hat? Snapping out of his trance his eyesight focussed on her. There she was, looking more like a pirate than ever. Hardy three quarter pants she'd called 'jeans' and on of his shirts, his, with a light vest over she'd put his hat on and was avoiding his glance.

"Alex."

He'd said it loud enough for her to hear and was silently pleased by the way she froze in her arrogant swagger and slowly turned to look at him. He walked over calmly, not appearing angry by any means, in fact his mind seemed to scream 'mine' when he saw her in his hat. It was better than seeing her in his shirt.

"Jack,"

She tried for nonchalant and was quite pleased that for once she'd achieved it. Cool, calm, collected. He slowly reached up when he stopped in front of her and tugged one side of his hat further down on her head.

"I see you've made yourself very comfortable, luv."

Alex shrugged at him quelling the shiver that quivered on her skin when his hand reached oh so close to her skin.

"I think it looks better on me."

In for a penny, in for a pound, she guessed. If she was going for confidence she might as well be proud about it. As for Jack he just laughed at the comment and nodded.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, you can't get rid of me that easily."

His heart leapt at the comment, though he refused to show it instead he simply called for a bottle of wine, chuckling at the way she went slightly green around the gills at the sight of it.

"Yer not going to throw up the contents of your stomach now are you?"

After taking a few controlled breaths she gave him a scathing, though joking, look.

"I have not been sea sick yet and I'll be damned if a little rum will change that."

With that comment the entire crew seemed to properly exhale the first time since their yelling match the night before. Their Captain was no longer brooding and sullen and they could trust the cook not to poison them, all together not a bad result. The best would have been for them to give into their inestimable lust for each other and end the growing betting pools on exactly when the marriage consummation would take place, the best odds at that moment were when they put to port and hired a room, but they took what they could.

Anna and Gibbs sat together leaning against a set of rigging as they watched the couple smooth things over. From an outsiders point of view they were the dangerous, slightly criminal version of cute, and in this case Anna and Gibbs were the outsiders. They hadn't had this much entertainment since Will and Elizabeth had been on board, truth was it was all so much better without the undead or crustacean pirates ready to jump from the shadows at any moment.

"Shouldn't you be in the Galley?"

Jack's voice cut through her relaxation. For the past… hours or so she guessed she'd calmly been lying in the sun, his hat covering her face. Not wanting to think about work she ignored him, very well.

"I know you can hear me, luv."

He lifted the hat from her face to see her smiling at him, though her eyes were closed.

"I can hear you, I was just ignoring you. I'm very happy here."

There was silence from him and Alex just knew that smacked of mischief. Only seconds later she was poked, in the ribs. She launched herself upright very quickly and managed to get a handful of his shirt.

"Can't just let me rest sometimes, can you?"

It took a few second for her eyes to adjust to the light, but when they did Jack was simply staring at her his hat in one hand and hers still clutching a fistful of shirt from his other hand.

"If I had my way, Alex, you wouldn't rest for a week."

She lifted an eyebrow and let him go, almost certain that he wouldn't take off.

"How do I know you're not talking about cooking?"

Jack looked at her appearing affronted though amused.

"Just discussing honest hard work, luv, you're the one who's reading into it."

She let out a snort at his innocent front; she knew exactly what he was alluding to. In the past few hours since they'd made up she wasn't ashamed to say that she was warming to the idea of being properly married. After all the consummation itself was a perk it was just the rest of the stuff that had her worried, if they got caught by the authorities, if he died, if she died if she got pregnant etc. So far the negative aspects far outweighed the idea of good yummy, hot, pirate sex with Jack. It was growing on her.

"Glad to see life is back to normal."

Alex grinned at Anna who had silently sat down beside her as she watched everyone go about their work. She made a partially agreeing sound and continued to stare out at the ocean still only seeing minor islands which she was told was part of the Bahamas.

Gods if her family could see her now, working on a ship in the Caribbean, passing the most luxurious and best resort places in the world… back in her time. At the moment they were all colonies, pirate havens, though she didn't quite mind the idea of having an island to herself. Maybe Jack could visit every now and then… yeah she could get used to dealing with Jack on a daily basis.

"Alex!"

She turned to see Tom up on deck with another of the crew their fishing lines out, by the looks of it the fish were already biting. She let out a sigh and gave a crooked smile at Anna.

"Looks like I'm off to gut some fish and add it to dinner."

The female pirate smiled and patted her shoulder in a sympathetic way.

"Don't worry about your bare cupboards, Alex. We'll be in Port early tomorrow."

I lied there not in Tortuga just yet. I really struggled with this one and yes I do know how long it's been since I updated. Sorry.

My sisters had a baby I've had relationship problems and uni is giving me hell but it is here.

**soaringphoenix86**: Yeah I know you bugged me twice and I've still taken ages to update. But I have updated! I'm going to do it sporatically until I've finished uni for the year then hopefully it'll be a lot more consistent.

**Second Star to the Left**: Yeah last time was updated in record time. But this chapter really quite the opposite. Keep reading and reviewing, and keep writing your crazy reviews! LOL

**Oywidapoodles**: Yeah the non advantage was kinda non Jack it just worked. But I want him to be a little sweeter. Besides if being sweet gets him what he wants in the end then surely its in character?

**Nerd's United**: Thanks a lot. Keep reviewing.

**Xchibi-PirateX**: Thanks a lot, keep reviewing!


	11. Progress

DISCLAIMER: Belongs to Disney and everyone else but me. Damn them all. It'll change when I rule the world but until then I can only play with the characters and put them back when I'm done.

As dinner was soup Alex merely ran through the motions of serving, eating and tidying up the mess as best she could before leaving Tom and whoever had annoyed Jack that he'd been given scullery duties, to the job of the dishes. She retired to their cabin. It was largely quiet as Jack was still on deck and she spend it putting the littered clothes away and towelling herself with the clean water from the pitcher and basin on a chest of drawers close to the bed.

Jack walked into his, their, cabin and saw her leaning against one of the back windows her face to the sea breeze. Alex, to him, looked beautiful, she was in a light shirt, hers, her face was damp and several tendrils of hair stuck to her face whilst the others fluttered slightly in the wind. He smiled when he shut the door and she jumped in surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

Alex quickly shut the window and moved to greet him, but upon getting there she realised that she wasn't about to greet him with a kiss or a hug so she stood there in front of him, feeling slightly awkward.

"It is my cabin, luv."

He chuckled at her,

"Ours now, bub."

She was pointing a finger at him now smiling at his dig at her. She began moving around the cabin again, tidying stuff that didn't need to be tidied. She was nervous.

"You're not up on deck?"

"Gibbs is taking over tonight. After our argument he thought it best that we should have some time together."

He spoke the words as if they were distasteful. Sentimentality didn't exactly match with his persona of brave, fearless and slightly quirky pirate captain, but here he was attempting, a modern day relationship counsellor would be very proud of him. And Gibbs? There was a sensitive new-age pirate. Very ahead of his times, or, Alex thought, was he just looking out for the interests of his stomach?

"What are you doing, luv?"

She turned her eyes up to him, she'd been standing there motionless, one of Jack's book of maps in one had as she stared off into space.

"Nothing, just thinking."

Alex turned to see him right behind her, his hand reached up and a finger tapper her between the eyes.

"About what?"

"Life, the universe and everything."

He grinned at her answer as she slid from in front of him before he'd had any chance of pressing his luck and she flounced on the bed, a hint of a blush on her face as Jack began to pull off his coat, vest, boots and such.

Alex tried to keep her face away from him, turning her body from his increasingly naked one. It was deliciously wicked to think how he'd look naked and she knew she could simply turn around and let nature, or a certain pirate, to take it's course. Alex knew she wouldn't though, partly she was far to chicken to do so, the other… she actually enjoyed causing the discomfort to Jack. Her amusements were little and in Alex's mind she deserved her fun.

Taking her mind off what Jack was or rather not wearing she looked back out of the window, not that she could see anything. The stark blackness was something Alex found comfort in. Apart from the lights on the ship there was nothing else to light up the night sky apart from what nature had provided and the fact that at times she couldn't tell where the sea ended and the sky began was a comfort to her. At the moment she wasn't sure how much she was a ship's cook and a captain's wife so she and the sea got on quite well. It was when she was mulling on that thought that she was grasped around the waist and hoisted up.

"Jack!"

She let out a rather large squeal and, hearing his echoing chuckle she began shaking her legs to loosen his grip. Jack had her firmly in his arms enjoying how she was laughing and playing along with his amusements. Her laugh was far better than her frown, though he did think her delectable when annoyed. A large swing of her legs had her separate from Jack for a moment before gravity took hold and her legs swung down, connecting sharply with the pirate captain in question, which in turn had him fall, conveniently into the bed behind them. Playing dominoes with people in this way is normally best with only two participants, a bed and a large amount of time on ones hands, and those requirements were met and happily agreed to in Alex's case.

She'd slid half off his chest in the fall though he still had one arm fastened around her waist.

"What the devil possessed you to do that?"

She questioned brushing her hair out of the way and turning to look at him grinning eyes.

"Wanted to hear you squeal, luv."

The sentence was decidedly salacious, and said in his gruffest voice, it was deep gravely, silk over pebbles and the like. Her Captain was in the mood to seduce, and she was rather in the mood to allow him to try. Try, mind.

Alex, calmly, twisted in his grip so they were face to face, and chest to chest and… essentially deliciously close together. She placed both hands on his chest and pushed up so she could get a better view of him.

"And?"

She asked innocently with a raised eyebrow, he grinned and feinted thinking, happily drumming his fingers along her waist.

"A siren call, luv."

Well, that was it. Alex lowered her head and brushed her lips against him, giving a low chuckle when his whiskers tickled her chin. She only had enough time to raw back and see Jack's brown eyes turn dark as his other arm came up to cradle her neck as he snatched her down for another, far more amorous kiss.

She seemed to lose her head and things became a blur, Alex couldn't remember when her vest had come off or her hand had snuck under the shirt Jack had put on, indeed she questioned exactly when Jack's hand had firmly planted itself on her backside. Alex could feel him, all of him, hard and tanned and everything that damned, devilish, rakish, adjective worthy smile of his promised.

"Gods, Alex,"

He sighed as he tore his mouth fro her to explore the line of her neck, she leaned her head back, a lazy smile on her face. She felt very much like the 'cat that got the cream' or was she the cream and Jack the cat?

"Jack,"

Alex began to sigh as he pulled her onto her back. Languishing on him was one thing but to have him, beads, rum breath and all on her, everywhere was something else. There was something to be said for pirating. Tan, exercise, diet high in fish, beards, that accent and a smile that could… when did his hand get there!

"Jack!"

Alex's eye opened wide and she lurched up, or rather attempted to considering there was a pirate on her, now shirtless with a hand up her own, resting on a rather sensitive piece of real estate.

"Aye, luv."

He grinned at her and bent his head back to the task of lavishing attention to her neck. His hand still… there. Alex knew she suddenly couldn't go through with all that he promised, though her body was trying its hardest to convince her. She was a softly she'd grown up with those ridiculously purple prose novels promising a man who'd well… Jack had swept her off her feet. He'd also pushed her into a room and yelled at her. The books said he'd love her… he seemed to love her neck and… the other part his hand was playing with. Alex wanted… gods, she didn't know what she wanted, her body wanted him and her mind was just confusing the matter.

"Are you with me, luv?"

Alex blinked and looked at him; he seemed to be highly amused as she seemed to be raced away in though.

"Jack…"

Her voice trailed off she was wistful, and questioning. Jack knew what that meant, that meant she was having second thoughts, second thoughts mean he'd have to sleep next to her, all night, knowing what she felt like and have to try and sleep. He considered himself unlucky at times like this,

"Alex, don't think."

For once Alex decided to agree with Jack.

Look I lied again. Still not in Tortuga, but there is dishy goodness. I'm now working two jobs, and I currently have no voice due to a nasty infection. But I've finished Uni for the year! Hopefully I can update soon.

**soaringphoenix86**: Well Jack and Ales are on their onesies. And something sexy happens! But yes you could say there's a minor cliffie but torture is fun. Thanks for the PM's too. You're like my fanfiction personal trainer.

**Second Star to the Left**: Yeah I said crazy reviews? I meant it, you're random! LOL but I love it. I'm happy not to be the only unbalanced one around here. Keep reading and reviewing.

**Nerd's United**: Yeah… damn that blasted sun and it's heat and shiney-ness. Thanks for the review, please keep reviewing and of course reading.

**Xchibi-PirateX**: Thanks for the support for my tumultuous life. I will update, it'll just take some time. Keep reviewing.

**Dugadugabowbow**: Thanks for the reviews, keep reading and reviewing.

**mar1966**: That is one of the best things someone can say in a review. Thanks, I'm glad I have you hooked. Keep reading and reviewing.


	12. Two steps forward two steps back

DISCLAIMER: I would like to own it, but I don't maybe if I ask Santa he'll give me the right and Jack for Christmas? Maybe…

Out of all the five senses in Alex's opinion, touch was the best. She was overwhelmed by sensations, Jack seemed to be everywhere at once.

"So sweet,"

He murmured on the column of her throat as divested her of pants, and got rid of his own in the process.

"Jack…"

She really didn't have anything to say, the sound of his name seemed to be a comfort. Alex yearned for him, all of him. The damp air of the cabin hit her naked skin and the thought of what her pirate could do was driving her insane.

Jack stared down at her, all of her. She seemed to be perfect in his eyes. Her light skin darkened slightly by the constant sun, her whole body lean, slightly muscular with the right amount of padding in the right parts in his considered opinion. Her face was tilted back eyes closed lost in rapture. Alex's eyes were shut silently begging for him to touch her again.

"Alex,"

He'd said it softly, calling her out of her reverie. Her eyes fluttered open as she looked at him, and everything his persona advertised. His tan, his tattoos, his scars, a dark treasure line and of course… big Jim and the twins.

"Jack."

She'd replied attempting now to keep a sense of nonchalance in her voice now she'd seen the man behind the pirate. Or rather the big Jim behind the man who was a pirate.

Jack walked the short distance to the bed in his own particular way and seemed to consume her with his eyes. His hands gently cupped her face, and leaning down, he planted a rather benign kiss on her lips.

"Consummation is fun."

She whispered in response to his tenderness. The games had begun and quite frankly Jack wanted to win.

Alex wrapped her arms around him her hands happily running up and down his back, her fingers tracing his scars. He seemed to once again entertain himself with her lips and neck, perhaps he had a vampire fetish? A piratical vampire? Personally she just couldn't see it working. One of his hands dipped low running a hand along her leg and pulling it up, Alex did the rest by wrapping it around his waist, this was met with pain though.

"Goddamn!"

Alex hissed and untangled herself from his embrace, she looked at her stitched cut, her cut that now only held about two stitches instead of eight. Blood quickly began pooling at the cut and she turned to give Jack a very sad face.

"Jack,"

He wrapped her up in his arms and she curled into him her bloody leg slung over his and a hand on his bare chest as she bit her lip at the pain. Surely it hadn't hurt this much when it'd happened?

Jack kissed her softly on the head and ran a hand over her hair to soothe her. He desperately wanted her, he was close and then this happened. It had to happen. The universe couldn't simply allow him to bed someone anymore, there were a million hoops to jump through, he was certain someone up there didn't like him.

"I'm sorry Jack."

Her voice was low and a little weepy, he wasn't the only one who'd been dealing with a libido and quite frankly Alex was more than ready to stop all the flirting and engage in some very delicious and heavily rated sex. Her cut however was burning like a bitch and it was actually very nice just the both of them lying there.

A knock brought them out of their peaceful reverie. There were a few seconds of silence and then another round of knocking,

"Jack"

The voice was female, Anna. Alex had a sudden surge of jealousy that here she was naked, albeit bleeding, next to an equally naked, though not bleeding, Jack and Anna was here to interrupt. The jealousy was ridiculous she knew she didn't have to compete with Anna, in fact, she was firmly on her side.

"I'm not here, Anna."  
He yelled out making Alex chuckle. He tickled her side which made her yelp and then hiss in pain as she moved her leg.

"Sorry, luv."

Alex gave him a soft smile as he bent down to kiss her lips. He then got up and found a pair of pants to put on. He walked over to the door, after throwing a sheet over Alex and looked at Anna.

"You're needed up on deck."

Jack gave her a very unimpressed look but nodded and grabbing a shirt he left, not before motioning Anna to go in and see to Alex.

Anna walked in and saw Alex, wrapping the sheet around her in imitation of a Toga and turned to give Anna a small smile.

"Shall I tell the crew to stop the pool?"

Alex shook her head letting out a sigh,

"What happened?"

Anna was beginning to wonder if Jack was really going crazy turning down Alex.

"I pulled most of my stitches, we've halted out activities."

Alex though that was a very diplomatic was of phrasing things; she lifted a side of the sheet showing the bleeding gash.

"I'll get my needle?"

Alex nodded in response and covered up again.

"No rum this time, I can stand the pain."

Several hours later, which included a girls chat, stitching and bandaging and putting clothes on, not necessarily in that exact order, Jack came back down to the cabin.

He stared at her as she was sleeping on top of the covers of their beds, wearing one of his shirts that ended mid thigh and showcased her new bandage. Her arms were wrapped around a pillow and she'd taken up most of the available space on the bed.

"Alex, luv."

He'd crept close to the bed pulling off his damp shirt and tossing it in the corner where, no doubt, she'd complain about in the morning and put it in her basket she'd decided was for dirty clothing.

"Alex…"

She didn't say anything in response and only let out a low grumble as Jack shifted her to the side to make some space for himself.

He leant over and brushing her hair back from where it had fallen across her face he kissed her forehead.

"Night, luv."

Alex said nothing in return, then again she was asleep. Jack let out a sigh as he settled down to sleep. They'd be in port soon where he could find some peace and quiet to deal with Alex all on his onesies. In Jack's mind, dealing with Alex would include a room, a bath, plenty of time and little clothing. Considering Alex's mood only hours before he was certain she could be talked into it.

The next morning was a mix of pleasure and pain for Alex. She'd woken with Jack already up on deck, usually a positive but considering last nights almost activities a definite negative. Her leg, re-stitched was a reddish purple a sure sign there was a nice scar and painful bruise to come, a negative. She slowly got up taking time to stretch and then she caught the smell of something different on the air, and for once it wasn't rotten food or gunpowder. She smelt trees, she smelt land.

Once she'd clambered into some clothes and gotten on deck she noticed that one half of the island was just what she'd smelt green and glorious wilderness, and as she began to see the start of civilisation she also smelt it and hear it and thanks to the whore that hung close to the docks she saw 'all' of what Tortuga could be as well. Pirates.

"Jack!"

She yelled as she turned and saw him giving her a toothy grin. He wandered down to her sweeping his arms wide,

"What do you think, luv? Isn't it lovely."

Alex stared at him as if he'd sprouted another head, which she possibly would have taken better than being put to port in the physical representation of all seven deadly sins.

"I can easily see why you like it."

She would be calm, pretend that he didn't look like the cat who got the cream when surrounded by corruption, chaos and easy women. She was not amused.

"If all towns were like Tortuga, no man would feel lonely."

Alex caught sight of both Anna and Gibbs shaking their heads in disgust at Jack as he threw an arm around her shoulder and dragged her close to him. She attempted and partially managed to forget how good all his warm skin felt against hers last night.

"And how do you define lonely?"

Jack turned and looked at her considering the question and her stance, arms crossed, not amused.

"I refuse to answer that as it may incriminate me."

"I think leering with the rest of your crew at the portside whore who lifed her skirt to show of her wares just about incriminates you enough without you opening your mouth."

She started back towards their cabin. Funnily enough she'd gotten over her want for land and would happily stay on the ship until they found somewhere less whore-filled to touch down.

He had flounced after her grabbing a hold of her shoulder.

"It's a pirate port, luv. What did you expect?"

Alex lifted an eyebrow and shrugged his hand off.

"Maybe I was expecting the man I'm stuck in matrimony with to be less delighted at looking at the wares of a whore which undoubtedly have been used by every pirate in the port."

Jack for the most part, apart from opening and closing his mouth like a fish, stayed silent.

"Alex?"

They both turned to see Anna looking at them.

"Anna?"

"I'll help you get the supplies when we're in port."

Alex turned her back on Jack and nodded at the female pirate who, like the rest of the crew, simply watched the scene unfold with growing dread.

"Sounds like a great idea."

I am sorry about the update but I've been battling with writers block, Christmas a new job and a boyfriend. Though wrestling with him is more good than bad. Everytime o got online I wanted to update… but I didn't think it was good enough. So once again with a swift kick up the backside to post soaring phoenix got me going again, hope you like even if it is a bit short.

I don't think I'll be posting again until early to mid jan, what with Christmas and family stuff.

**soaringphoenix86**: Well after several PM's and a mention that you thought I was quitting the fic I posted the chappie up. Sorry I've been so slack but life overwhelmes me sometimes. Thanks for the support luv, keep reading and keep me writing. hug

**Second Star to the Left**: Ok well for your crazy review-ness there is more. As far as uni goes we don't do summer school. Just the normal year from Feb to Nov/Dec. But yes read review I look forward to your crazy reviews!

**Nerd's United**:Thanks for the review and the critical comment. After wasting my time doing two creative writing courses at Uni (learning stuff I already knew and falling asleep in lectures) it's nice to hear people appreciating the technical stuff. Keep reviewing!

**Xchibi-PirateX**: Ah yes Jack… … sorry I glazed over for a bit. Yeah giving in is fun, especially when he's involved. Please keep reading and reviewing, hope you weren't let down when the consummation was postponed.

**Dugadugabowbow**: Thanks for the support. I hope you're still reading and reviewing

**mar1966**: Sorry for taking so much time…. But I did finish the scene… on a downer I know but it mean that when it does happen it's all the better. Plus I enjoy writing UST. Please keep reviewing.

**Fan**: Thanks for the review and the begging to continue, it's nice to know I'm wanted. Keep reviewing.


	13. Allies and Idiots

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not mine. This piece of chocolate is however .

Jack stood motionless as the rest of the crew including his irate wife left the ship in favour of land and the earthly delights that only Tortuga could properly provide. All the crew, except for Gibbs who was sitting on deck sharing a bottle of Rum with Mr. Cotton, both giving Jack a look he was beginning to know very well. The 'you stupid man' look. He was beginning to feel very unpopular on his own ship.

"I know."

He burst out yelling spinning around to glare at them before storming into his cabin and slamming the doors behind him.

"Nice weather."

Gibbs commented blithely as he and Cotton continued to share their drink. Cotton remained silent as he usually did and so did his parrot.

Despite the varying layers of debauchery that seemed to cover Tortuga surprises of the clean nature had surprised Alex. Anna had shown her a Chinese laundry, fresh local goods and a trustworthy butcher. Part of her longed to buy all she could, go back to the Pearl and cook up a magnificent feast. The Jack part of the Peal put her off. Way off. Though according to Anna her solution was close at hand.

"Sleep at a brothel? No offence but I don't want some punter to mistake my room for someone else."

Anna shook her head grinning at the misconception.

"Run by my sister."

"Really?"

Anna lifted and eyebrow and shrugged.

"We've known each other long enough that we're just about related, close enough for me. She lets out private rooms, away from the main business, very comfortable, baths and all."

Alex gave her a questioning look as she shifted her grip on her supplies and stepped over an unconscious drunk.

"Anna she's not…"

"Not Jack friendly if that's what you were about to ask. He did, after all, steal my boat and she's never forgiven him for that."

The house loomed in front of them set comfortably on the side of the hill above all of Tortuga's regular activities. To her it looked like a big old southern mansion and considering the time she'd landed herself in she was probably on the money, without the whole southern plantation part.

"Ai! Anna-Marie my darling, I knew I'd be expecting you soon."

Lucia turned out to be a larger woman, no nonsense very business smart despite her chosen profession and very accommodating.

"Of course you can stay here, I have plenty of rooms. I won't be opening my doors for that no good buccaneer if that is the underlying question."  
She'd quickly sat them inside plying them with iced tea. She seemed to live a very comfortable and opulent life for that of a Tortuga Madame, but business acumen will get you anywhere with the right mindset.

"We'd rather not discuss Jack."

Anna motioned seemingly trying to end the subject, Alex let out an annoyed sigh at the mention of his name, they had as yet avoided telling Lucia that the infamous and unpopular pirate was married to Alex.

"And yet he's the only thing you're talking about."

Gulping down the contents left in her glass Alex threw her head in her hands as Anna chose not to reply to Lucia's comment. The 'Gig' was up.

After several hours of pretending to be looking at maps another hour rifling through what clothes were clean enough that Alex had left behind he found himself in some semblance of order.

"Tortuga, here I come."

With that he exited his cabin and the Pearl all the while Gibbs and Cotton watched on only speaking when the captain was clear out of earshot.

"I hope when she catches up with him…"

Cotton nodded and his parrot merely squawked

"Shiver me timbers."

Much to her ire there was nothing funnier than seeing Lucia spraying her mouthful of ice tea across the room.

"How in the name of God and the saints did you marry Jack Sparrow."

The shocked look on her face was getting too much, as much as Alex had been looking forward to land the contents and population was much to be desired.

"Jack was drunk and Alex was,"

Anna turned her attention to her, Alex let out a long suffering sigh.

"I was out of my mind."

"Yes and so they both woke up on the Pearl the next day married."

A very awkward silence descended on the party for a few moments before Lucia threw back her head laughing, much to the embarrassment and annoyance of Alex. Alex crossed her arms and 'harumphed' back onto the couch while Anna managed to calm her 'sister' down.

"I'm sorry, but he got his just desserts marrying a woman like you."

Alex lifted an eyebrow but was yet to say anything.

"He's terribly charming to the girls that is when they haven't wizened up to him. He has redeeming qualities somewhere deep down I'm sure but our town isn't going to bring any of that out in him. He should be thanking the stars you were given to him, set him right you will."

The praise however masked in Jack's questionable character was recognised by Alex and she was reasonably appeased.

"You'd think that if you think that, that he'd think that too. Jack only thinks of his crotch when it comes to the matter of us. I'm thinking of the big picture in relation to us, but the him of we in the us isn't living up to his part."

Lucia nodded and poured more tea while Anna simply sat back taking everything in knowing that Gibbs would want notes when she got back to the ship.

Alex took another sip of water and sighed.

"You know we were this close last night."

She gestured with her fingers, pinching them in tight.

"He was delicious and charming and a gentleman and then my piratical prince turned into a big fat pumpkin in the morning.

"That would be a frog, Alex."

Anna interjected, smiling at Lucia who seemed to be taking a motherly role in this telling of confidences.

"No a pumpkin, they sound better when you stomp on them."

Lucia nodded and after draining her cup for a second time leant over and patter Alex's hand.

"We'll clean you up, sweet. You can have a lavender bath, I'll do your hair and when that undeserving pirate finds you he'll beg twice as much to forgive him. Trust Aunt Lucia. She understands men, pirates or not."

And with that Alex's sweet plan for joyous comeuppance was hatched.

One Captain Jack Sparrow was rather restlessly perusing the streets for his lost and possibly still moody wife. He'd managed to get some idea of where Alex and her female pirate accomplice Anna had been. He'd tracked them from spices to laundry where Jack was meted with a quick,

"We no clean you Laundry. Lady tell us bad things. Get out! Get out!"

She had been busy indeed.

At Gibbs insistence Jack had endeavoured to look form Alex's point of view, albeit it was very hard. They had been so close last night, surely she couldn't have been that upset with his carousing with his crew at seeing one of the famous scarlet ladies of Tortuga. However considering how long it had taken her to simply warm up to his amorous advances she was rather insecure with the more sensual things of life. She was afraid to lose him, him Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl. In Jack's mind she didn't want to lose what she'd stumbled on to any other woman, diamond in the ruff and all that. No one ever said Jack was particularly quick in relations dealing with a feminine mind and what he had concluded when attempting to ponder the workings of Alex's inner workings was sadly lacking in any real substance. Perhaps in Jack's mind he considered that if Alex though he had lost him she would come to him. These conclusions however were based on a brain that had become rather rum-soaked as the beginnings of his pondering coincided with the entrance to the nearest pub.

Alex was in heaven. Back in time but heaven. Lucia's bath was a monstrosity of a thing, large to fit her filled out form, claw footed and steaming with warmth and lavender oil. With Alex calmly soaking Lucia took it upon herself to apply something to her hair to clean it. All her aches and pains were slowly being drawn out and her leg was much improved.

As Alex finally stepped out of the, now, lukewarm bath and was towelling off Anna strolled in with a rather defeated look on her face.

"Jack is an idiot."

Alex and Lucia looked up with an expression that screamed 'duh'. But Lucia motioned for her to continue.

"Your husband has decided that you're jealous and that making you as green as possible is what will drag you back to him. He's decided to find himself another woman to entertain himself with."

Lucia herself screamed out a large "What!" and began trading and calling in her best girls to spread word that no one was to even consider Captain Jack Sparrow as John for the rest of his or their natural life. Whereas Alex simply threw her hands up in defeat.

"Why should I even bother. If he's acing like this it's clear he's not my husband anymore, not that we'd actually gotten to the consummation."  
"Ring him out of rum and he'll come to his senses. He thinks he's lost you he simply want's you back."

Alex wrapping a towel around herself didn't look believing.

"If Jack that quick to throw me aside for someone else, let alone some prostitute, No offence Lucia."

The larger woman waved off the offence with a smile.

"What makes you think that if he does wizen up I should entertain the thought of taking him back, let alone letting him near my body again or worse my heart. He's a good for nothing adulterous pirate and I for one don't want to allow him to even consider me going back to him."

She fought it but she could feel the moisture in her eyes. There were times when they were on the ship that she truly thought he'd felt something for her. The attack by the Spanish, his tirade against her when he thought he'd lost her, the way he held her only the night before. Everything was crumbling under her fingers. Just like Lyle. They'd been happy then he'd found his alternative lifestyle, the séances, the witchcraft books and then Angelique she didn't fit in. Well, she didn't seem to fit in here either.

"Alex,"

Anna moved to where she stood motionless going through everything she'd done, every failed relationship up to this one.

"I'm getting dressed. Then I'm going to cook dinner."

She announced and swept herself from the bathing room to her own so she could compose herself before dealing like she always had.

Well this update came more toward the end of Jan than the mid that I promised and I apologise but again my life dared to interfere with my writing. My Gran died early Jan and only last week my Cousin dies of cancer to I've been pretty down. Last week I was also in a car accident which injured my right shoulder so I was incapacitated for about a week. Not the best start to the year but I deal.

**soaringphoenix86**: Well here it is phoenix. You should be happy I was in the mindset to write today or it would still be sitting on my comp waiting for more. This is what a day off does to me. Here is the next instalment dedicated to the advancement of my education with the beginning of another Uni year. So I hope you enjoyed it and I hope I can update again soon. hugs

**Second Star to the Left**: Kill your alter ego?! A vicious threat indeed, here an update. Still niet on the consummation front but in the relationship sense there is advancement, plus I wanted to take this time to explore more of Alex's character and show her vulnerabilities. How you enjoyed my favourite crazy reviewer.

**Nerd's United**: Well thank's for patiently waiting. I really haven't taken a hiatus from writing but I've been concentrating on some of my original work and research more than this one. Even if I get more appreciation from this. joy keep reading luv.

**mar1966**: Pantless but no cigar. Sorry Mar but I enjoy writing the torture and UST too much, maybe in the next chapter or so.

**Calypso Calista: **This actually isn't a self insert. I'm not as cool as Alex. I think she's been hurt emotionally far more than me. The butchering and cooking is partly from me I enjoy it and had a job at a butchers for a while, which help in the writing. I may take long silent breaks from the fic but I try not to give up I'm just waiting to get inspiration again. Thanks for reading, and for hopefully continuing to read and review.

**Xbluxmoonx: **Hope you're enjoying it. Please keep reading and reviewing.

**SparrowsVixon: ** Hope you're enjoying, please continue to read and review.


	14. Welcome to the Doghouse, population Jack

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not mine. This piece of chocolate is however .

Jack found himself leaning heavily against a wall whilst carefully examining his hand, the one that wasn't helping his hold on the wall that is. The infamous pirate captain was drunk, past his usual state of inebriation and well into asking for some blood in the veins that were filled with alcohol, indeed he was not very kind to his liver. He could almost focus on the aforementioned hand, at times he felt like he'd almost gotten it, until it moved further away causing him to stumble forward or it came too close to his face startling him as he whacked himself in the face promptly causing him to fall on his arse. His antics were to the enormous hilarity of the scarlet women who were keeping an eye on him. Their raucous laughter somehow waded itself through his rum soaked mind and kicking his memory reminded him exactly why they were so important to his plan, all he had to do was remember what the plan was and why they were so important. Considering this required though he made himself comfortable down on the ground and as he began attempting to think he promptly fell asleep, snoring loudly.

Jack awoke some time later only partially sober and on the receiving end of a booted foot that was nudging him harshly.

"Alright, Jack? Not dead are you?"

The sharp words of Violet one of the ladies about town nudged his brain yet again about why she should be so important. This time it got through, the plan to get Alex back.

"Nothing can kill Jack Sparrow, luv. They've tried, several times in fact and here I am, all man, all Jack."

Undoubtedly he though he was the epitome of charm and sensual pleasure, if he hadn't been sitting in the mud reeking of rum.

"Get up then will ye? Your drunken mug is keeping the customers away, isn't it?"

After several fumbling gestures later Jack found his feet, amusingly enough they were attacked to his legs, indeed right where he'd left them. This starling find culminated in his standing up, finally.

"Violet, luv. Here I am, Jack Sparrow, Captain of the Back Pearl. How about we discuss prices and you and me go and entertain ourselves."

He thought himself wonderfully composed that was until she laughed in his face.

"You! Jack there is no way any of the girls in her right mind would look once at you now."

An icy dread seized him, what had happened to him, he was invincible how could the plan continue without their help. He needed them to get to Alex.

"Why's that luv? I'll pay you more than the usual price."

Violet snorted in his face and walked back to the rest of the girls. Jack followed her stumbling slowly one hand grabbing for his money the other held out in entreaty.

"Triple the normal price then."

No response.

"Four times then. Gods woman what's wrong with all of you."

He took a few steps back when Scarlet came to the front of the working women's throng.

"Lucia said we weren't to conduct any business with you."

Jack swore, Lucia foremost Madame of Tortuga. He knew she didn't like him but considering the drought his libido was currently experiencing due to Alex's less than amiable nature towards him, the continuation of said drought in Tortuga despite how it was linked to the plan and Alex was not a happy thought.

"Which way to Lucia's place?"

He meant it to be a simple question, it was more like a desperate plea for help.

"We'll tell you after you've sobered up."

With that Violet threw a bucket of water on him, much to the amusement of Gibbs who was presently on his way to see Anna.

The clothes Lucia had gifted her with were clean, reasonably comfortable but far from discreet, especially considering she was cooking. She had a plain skirt and simple white shirt, simple enough until she'd added the boned corset, not done up tight but it certainly had her girls looking in top form. The shirt which had started out appearing reasonable and sensible ended up at the other end of the spectrum. With that all she could do was wrap her hair up in one of Lucia's simple turban style twist, throw on an apron and get to work. Every slice of her knife symbolising yet another failed relationship or 'good-for-nothing' man who chipped away at her heart. She hated pirates.

"How's it coming along?"

It was Lucia, ink smudged on one cheek and a generally helpful expression on her face. Alex gave her a half smile which didn't quite reach her eyes and shrugged.

"I've decided on quiche. Vegetable and ham."

She wiped her hands on her apron looking quickly around the kitchen attempting to find something to occupy her, anything. Her mind needed to stay on the subject at hand, dinner.

"Quiche is good. Everyone will enjoy it. I was asking more towards your heart."

Alex eyes a large carving knife and grabbed it tight.

"My hearts not the one to be worried about, I hardly know the man."

She turned her attention to the rather forlorn looking Leeks, and began merrily chopping away. Lucia watched her movement with a sad expression.

"Of course, I'll talk to you in a little then; I'll be in the study with my books."

Another day at the office for Tortuga's most powerful Madame.

There was a gentle knock on the door of Lucia's manor; cautious Lucia opened the door herself expecting a bedraggled pirate captain by the name of Sparrow. She found a reasonably polite Mr. Gibbs.

"Hello there Lucia, just here to talk to Anna, keep her updated, like."

Lucia's expression was kind if a little curious.

"Working for this side are you?"

"Ain't working for no sides. Looking after the Pearl."

Smiling Lucia seemed appeased with his response and allowed him in.

She watched him as he quickly moved upstairs towards the room Anna always occupied when she was in Port. Strange couple, she thought then again the sweet wounded angel currently preparing dinner didn't exactly pair up with the Pirate she was given either.

"What news?"

Anna was straightforward in her approach as Gibbs entered her room. They were both consumed by their Captain and Alex's relationship. Afterall they just wanted the both of then to be happy and it distracted their own minds from pondering their own close association too much.

"Jack's being wrung out by a few of Lucia's girls before they shove him up here. Man's starting to lose his mind."

Anna lifted on eyebrow in a 'devil-may-care' way and crossed her arms.

"I hope he does with what he's putting her through. She may look strong but nothing can be further from the truth. Things were going all to plan until we put into port."

Gibbs nodded and pulled Anna slowly into his arms. They stood there in each others warmth for several minutes without talking until someone knocked on the door.

"Dinner."

The two jumped apart suddenly as if guilty teenagers getting caught in an embarrassing liaison.

Alex was noisily putting down plates and cutlery waiting for her companions and whoever else was currently boarding to find their way don to the dining room. For once she thought of the mess she'd made in the kitchen and the fact that Tom wasn't around to tidy up. That caused her to grin; she wondered what the boy possibly could be doing in Tortuga at his age.

When Jack usually found himself in Tortuga the events of the night didn't tend to go as they were. The ladies of the night usually didn't give him tips on grooming nor was his cabin boy running back and forth from the ship in order to get him 'just the right clothes'. Being married was harder work than he'd originally thought. The events of said night so far had ruined his plan for getting his wayward wife back and he was forced to rely on whatever help was given to him.

"Stop fiddling with my hair, you blasted woman."

His hands began to wave about the top of his head brushing away the numerous sets of fingers that in their 'good-will' attempted to set his scalp to rights. Needless to say they were far too late.

"You're going to have to do more than just show up clean to get her back."

He gave a less than impressed glance at Violet, she may have been right and blatantly obvious but he had recovered from his stupor to a point where they didn't have to talk down to him.

"Apologise."

All eyes turned to Tom and his quiet spoken voice.

"I know what I have to do, get off me."

He struggled to his feet his swaggering form taking a few minutes and many sweeping waves of his arm to remove those closest to him from his presence.

"Now I shall go to Lucia's and set everything to rights, savvy?"

Without an answer he set himself off out of whatever building they'd managed to drag him into and up the hill towards the manor.

There was something distinctly missing from the dinner, Alex thought as she slowly finished her piece of quiche. Good company, check., though she wasn't sure about the change of company, pirates for prostitutes, not that she was expecting to entertain some Lord Something-or-other. Good food, check. Good lovin', pft, good luck.

Alex seemed to amble through dinner not really paying attention to anything much around her. She found herself an hour later in the kitchen drinking hot tea as the girls obligingly did the dishes for her. Lucia was being wonderful as well, she'd said in no uncertain terms that if Alex had decided to give the pirate up she could stay on as chef. Not her first thought of the ideal work environment but the offer was very nice.

Jack, having learnt from many past experiences veered off from the front door and instead went around back. If he knew his wife, which he was beginning to regardless of her spontaneous outburst, she'd be in the kitchen. Weaving his way through the garden bed he spied her through the window and watched her, trying to scope out her mood before he 'threw himself at her feel and beg for forgiveness' as one of the ladies had instructed him to do.

She was staring into her teacup whist others bustled around her obviously tidying her mess. One of the girls paused to say something soft to her, Alex barely managed a smile before she went back to her tea. In Jack's eyes she looked more ravishing as she normally did. Seeing her dressed in more feminine clothes was certainly something he liked. Perhaps shopping for clothes when he'd weaselled his way out of the dog house was in order? The heat left over from the cooking has managed to get into her wrapped hair and several tendrils stuck out curling slightly some sticking obligingly to her neck reminding Jack exactly how delicious that skin tasted. The corset that sat over her shirt begged him to continue what had been aborted in previous nights, her cleavage sat high up and her despondent look made her that much more appealing.

Taking a deep breath and shifting his suddenly tight pants he approached the door and opening went in getting ready for anything.

Alex looked up knowing who to expect. There Jack was, cleaner swaying slightly but with a sober expression on his face. His eyes seemed to be desperate and apologetic at the same time.

"Alex, luv."

He held out one arm entreating her to be nice, Alex let out a sigh an stood up staring at his wordlessly. She knew what she should do, stay strong and ignore him, be the affronted strong female that she way always reading about, make him truly beg, but truthfully now that she saw him, the only place she wanted to be was in his arms.

"Alex, I'm-"

Before he'd finished she'd moved into the circle of his arms and embraced him. She could feel him smiling in triumph as he wrapped his arms around her. They stood like this for several minutes before he attempted to speak again.

"Luv, I'm s-"

"Don't ruin this moment by apologising I'll lecture you about what you did wrong later. Just be quiet and hold me, pirate."

He exhaled laughing as he did so. Further grovelling may have been in order but for the moment all he had to do was hold an angel in his arms.

………………………….

I've finally managed to get another update done before I return for another year at Uni. Hurrah. The family tragedy has managed to stop, huzzah. I've also started considering if I should get a Beta. What do you guys think?

**soaringphoenix86**: Lol. Not quite with another woman. Hope you like this update, because you haven't been reminding me to update so I must be on time. Hope you can relate more to Alex. I didn't just want to make her a tough cook. Keep doing your thing phoenix!

**DugaDugabowbow**: Thanks for the condolences. Glad you liked the chapter, I know it's probably annoying that there's been no consummation yet but I'm only going where the story takes me. Please keep reading and reviewing.

**Second Star to the Left**: Y'know I think hugging is what Alex needed as you read. Jack was just being an arse. Hopefully it's worked well and as for running away from all the tragedy, there's really no where to go but my writing, it's enough of an escape for me. Keep reading and review, oh crazy one!

**Nerd's United**: Thanks, it hasn't been as hard to deal with really. Just have to be a whole lot more emotionally controlled and possibly have more Daiquiri nights! Lol. Thanks again, keep reading and reviewing.

**mar1966**: Indeed enjoy my torture! But yes up is the way to go that is unless my sociology textbook doesn't drag me down. Joyous reading!


	15. The problem with Corsets

DISCLAIMER: Don't own it, sadly. I wish I did, but don't. le sigh

Jack shifted his feet slightly, Alex still in his arms. They still stood in the middle of the kitchen after several minutes of simply standing and hugging. She didn't say anything she just held onto him, and he onto her, until his impatience got to him, he had to know just how much trouble he was in.

"Alex, I'm sorry, luv."

She moved slightly out of his arms to look up at him, and moving very quickly grabbed his chin braids and yanked them, hard.

"You'll be more than sorry, Jack."

It was then that her pacing started, again, he braced himself for her tirade.

"I know you're desperate to jump into bed. You spend a lot of time at sea and undoubtedly you're desperate for female interaction. I get it. But don't you understand why I'm hesitant?"

Jack was uncertain how to answer, uncertain if he should answer, uncertain if it was rhetorical.

"Jack!"

"I know you're sensitive, Alex."

He thought he was being diplomatic with his hesitant answer.

"Sensitive! Jack! I want to make sure that if we do jump into bed with each other that I'm not just scratching an itch. If we do become intimate I don't want to be thrown aside for another woman, or be replaced by a working woman if you happen to be in port when I'm not. Do you understand, Jack?"

Everything clicked, finally, for him. She wanted a promise, she probably wanted all those promises he slurred when they got married.

"I understand, luv. All you had to say was that this was an exclusive relationship."

"Exclusive relationship! Jack we're married! I thought that was obvious."

He moved to catch her hand, she wanted answers to so many bloody questions. Jack didn't even know where the Pearl would be off to after their sojourn at Tortuga, how was he supposed to give her certainty.

"Alex…luv…I-"

Jack decided words were overrated and pulling her close to him he meshed his lips to her. She opened her lips beneath his and clawed at his shirt pouring her frustration and pain into her kiss. As she clung on to him one of his arms wrapped around her head gaining control of the kiss guiding it, his other arm, not as romantic or noble as the one around her head moved to cup her arse.

The kitchen door burst open just as Jack was lifting Alex onto one of the benches.

"I'm just in to brew some tea, don't mind me."

It was their hostess, Lucia. Jack let out a long suffering sigh and Alex just hid her face in Jack chest shielding her blushing face with his vest.

"Don't stop on my account, I've seen it all before. However, might I remind you Alex that you currently have the blue room upstairs to yourself?"

Jack quickly slid her off the bench quietly when Lucia's back was turned as she began to spoon out tea leaves.

"And Jack,"

She called after then her voice suddenly harsh.

"Yes, Lucia"

"You look after your wife of you'll find yourself with a beautiful soprano."

Jack turned to see the solemn look of the Madame's face. This was not a joke. He nodded with a small smile and began to follow Alex upstairs

Gibbs was currently feeling quite pleased with himself. If things had gone to plan and Jack hadn't cocked up said plan the two should be making up at this very moment. Probably engaging in things Anna herself had on her mind with the look she was giving him.

"They'll be fine. Honestly if there is one thing Jack can do is charm his way back into people's good graces."

Gibb's smiled at Anna's comment and sitting up to catch her hand he pulled her closer to the bed.

"Why do I wonder about you and Jack's good graces?"

She scoffed at him.

"I'm not partial to his graces, good or not. I'm more interested in your range of qualities."

She sat down on the bed and smiled at him, no one ever understood their interest in each other, then again other people's opinions didn't matter, really.

"I lo-"

His hand covered her mouth.

"That's bad luck."

She snorted and lightly kissed his palm.

"Screw luck, I'll make my own."

Alex walked into her room first and quickly moved her dirty clothes off the bed, Jack however merely leant against the door to the outside, as if to make sure that she wouldn't try to escape. Alex, for her part, was beyond the want to escape from Jack's clutches. Consummation was at hand.

"Jack don't do that."

She said over her shoulder as she grabbed bits of her effects and moved them to neighbouring chairs.

"Do what, luv?"

Alex turned around and stared at him. He was still leaning against the wall, one hand on the doorknob the other resting on the hilt of his sword.

"Don't look like you're about to launch into battle."

Her response made him lift one eyebrow and launch forward to scoop her into his arms.

"Who says were not launching into battle?"

He kept waking back with her imprisoned in his arms, it didn't surprise her when her legs hit the edge of the bed and with the smallest quirk of his mouth and a push she was lying upon it.

"I'm winning."

He whispered to her in a slight growl as he took off his hat and made moves to join her on the bed.

"You're also the one still wearing a sword; there are better ways for winning the battle."

Jack's small smile grew larger at her words.

"I though you were interested in my sword?"

Alex leant up on the bed to where he was still standing and began undoing his belt which housed his sword.

"I think you're confusing the situation, Jack."

"You've never been to Singapore."

He began to kneel on the bed beside her, his sneaky fingers creeping their way up and around her corset.

"Not mine Jack, don't ruin it."

She retorted as her own hands seemed to take on a life of their own pulling his shirt out.

Jack let out a long sigh and she felt his fingers quickly getting to work to untie the back of the garment that was imprisoning, to Jack's mind, some of Alex's best real estate. Alex was sitting upright, leaning her body against Jack as he continues to struggle with the ties.

"This would be much easier if I could just cut through it."

Jack complained while Alex snuck her hands underneath his shirt and began to explore the planes of his back.

"Not a chance Jack. Do it the old fashioned way."

Suddenly Alex felt herself being moved, Jack had flipped her over in her back. Dislodging her wrapped up hair Alex was lying on her stomach with a face full of hair.

"Jack."

She sighed; he however was hard at work dealing with the ties.

"I'm almost there; don't fall out of the mood or anything."

She propped herself up on her elbows feeing Jack at work and let out a sigh. The mood had definitely gone down. Suddenly a though came to her mind.

"We could always, forget about the corset and just…"

She trailed off as Jack's fingers explored the skin he'd freed, his hands slid up to her shoulder and massaged her shoulder.

"I want to see you, luv. All of you."

Alex harrumphed and lay back down on her stomach.

"The sentiment is very romantic Jack, but surely I'm not the only one getting antsy?"

Jack responded by kissing between her shoulder blades and brushing the hair away from the back of her neck entertained himself with her neck, yet again.

"Jack, hurry up."

She felt the corset steadily getting looser.

"Sit up, luv."

Alex shot up quickly and lifted her hands up in the air without prompting; he slid the annoying garment off her and threw it away.

She jumped around to start attacking him but his hands guided her to lay down on her back again.

"Jack."

She whined. He slowly began pulling her shirt off, but was stopped by Alex yanking it off her and attempting to turn around again.

"For a man who couldn't keep his pants on when we were aboard the Pearl, you're certainly taking you time now!"

"Less chance of being interrupted here, luv. Just relax."

So she did, or tried to. It became very easy when Jack began to explore her back with his hands, gently massaging and pressing light kisses as he worked his way down. She felt his fingers begin to work of the buttons of her skirt and hoped that he was soon going to be as unclothed as she was.

So its been ages since I've updated, yes? Well I've had computer problems, I'm currently writing this on word pad. And uni's been tough. But I haven't given up I've just had a hiatus.

soaringphoenix86: Yes I've updated! Just a smaller one the next one, i imagine will be larger and it gets juicier. Thanks for not giving up on me.

Second Star to the Left: Yay my resident crazy reviewer. I'm looking forward to your next review. I'll keep going if only to laugh and smile at your reviews, oh and because SoaringPhoenix is my resident stalker.

Nerd's United: Yeah Alex was a bit easy on Jack, but he already knows she was pissed at him, besides it makes the make-up sex all the better. She could rant at him during the lovemaking. Seriously, done it.

Calypso Calista: Thanks I hope I'm writing a good romance, and thanks for the comment about my writing, you're great.

Mar1966: The almost make up sex.


	16. Consumation

DISCLAIMER: Don't own it, sadly. I wish I did, but don't. le sigh Updated, finally! does a Fred and Ginger dance

Steadily getting more and more frustrated by Jacks endearing tenderness Alex jumped off the bed as he opened the last button of her skirt and let it fall kicking it into a corner for good measure. She was finally naked, finally. As for Jack he just stared still half kneeling on the bed as she stood, hands on hips, uninhibited.

"What?"

"You're beautiful."

Jack's voice sounded so breathless and sincere Alex refrained from commenting and merely walked back over to the bed caressing the side of his face as she did. His hands danced along her sides as if they were fighting a battle to decide if they should go up or down. They decided down after a few moments but were stopped by a foot on Jack's belly.

"I did not survive that debacle with the corset so you could have a gander and your merry way with me without seeing what makes 'The Great Captain Jack Sparrow' so great."

He stared at her face and her one raised eyebrow. He then looked down at her naked foot, which happened to be attached to a naked leg; his hands gripped her ankle and steadily travelled upward only to find their chosen destination firmly shut behind closed thighs.

"Clothes off, pirate."

Jack grinned and dropped a beard tickling kiss onto her knees.

"As my wife commands."

"So now you follow my commands."

His hands began to unbutton his vest slowly as he still drunk in her form.

Alex sat on the bed, completely unclothed and bathed in candlelight, her legs were drawn up to her chest and she hugged them as she stared at Jack, her husband. She knew she would have to get used to that idea, a husband. She had a relaxed smile on her face as she watched him pull off his vest, with it his long wrapping sash and belt.

He briefly sat down on the edge of the bed so he could do away with his boots and long socks, at which time Alex thought she was well in her rights to gift him with a gentle embrace, also a perfect time for her to caress his chest through his thin white shirt.

"Having fun, luv?"

His head turned as he asked and her neck and ear were heated by his breath, it made her shiver. She withdrew her hands completely and tugged at the bottom of his shirt, impatiently.

"I will, Jack, if you hurry up."

He turned slightly staring at her in mock indignation.

"Hurry up? You were the one who couldn't keep her hands off me."

Alex in return raised one eyebrow and unfolding her arms she leant back on the bed.

"Excuse me?"

Jack stared at her as she leant sprawled on the bed, motionless as he drunk in her form. Men.

"Jack, shirt, pants, off now."

There was no further need for smart-ass comments; the tenting is his ever so manly pants made that evidently clear.

He began to crawl onto the bed obviously attempting to be seductive and animalistic, that was until his beard tickled Alex's thigh and reacting it contacted with his chin.

"Jesus!"

He cried rubbing his chin, and put on a hurt expression in a vain attempt to get sympathy.

"You always knew this was going to be a battle."

He moved up further his eyes level with her.

"So I did."

His hand ran from her shoulder down to her thigh as he marvelled at the softness of her skin.

"You're not going all tender on me, Captain?"

He moved closer and silenced her with a soft but eventually hard and bruising kiss. Pulling her body to his Alex realised that everything was hard and as she delighted in gripping his arse as his hands entertained themselves with her prime real estate Alex knew without looking that jack wore a smug smile, not that she minded, so was she.

Alex was currently attempting to catch her breath as Jack slid up her body placing a kiss on her stomach as he went.

"Something you learnt on your travels, Jack?"

He pulled her into his arms and she continued her speedy breathing and chuckled.

"Man of many talents, luv."

She moved her head on his chest to look up at him.

"I'll bet."

Her hand ran down his own body and founds it target, grasping it as he gasped.

"Now, let see if I remember how tis next bit goes."

Her breathing quickly sped up again, and again, and again, and if it were possibly she would have tried for one more time had Jack not called her insatiable.

Alex lay in the rumpled sheets later one of Jacks arms firmly around her waist, she looked at him and then around the room and sighed.

"Sleep."

He mumbled to her gracing her shoulder with a peck before burrowing his head back into the covers. He closed her eyes and pulling the top cover up began to doze but found herself looking and thinking. Jack let out a torturous sigh and gave her a despairing look from under his unmanageable hair.

"What, luv?"

Alex curled herself around him, and a small smile formed on her lips.

"You never gave me a ring, you know."

Jack looked her he intently for a minute to gauge what hidden statements were behind her soft words.

"You never told me what you wanted."

"Excuse me? So this is my fault?"

She slapped his chest and leant up in bed glaring at his amused look.

"I'll have to find something comparable to your beauty."

With that he gave her a contrite look and leaning up slightly kissed her cheek.

"Sorry luv, but you're beautiful when you're angry."

He kissed her again and she settled back down into his arms.

"Since we're up…"

He trailed off his tone turning decidedly lusty, as his hands became decidedly animated as they began to caress her body.  
"Jack…"

They didn't really speak in sentences until well into late morning.

So it's been the best part of the year since I've updated. I'm sorry. I really wanted to continue, but I've started a radio podcast now every fortnight and I'm currently writing this when I have a legal research brief that's due.

I hope you're all still around and interested in reading.

**soaringphoenix86**: You wanted consummation? I gave you consumation, don't say I never get you anything! Yes it's horribly short, but I needed to get the sex out of the way before I move on with anything resembling plot. I mean… who wants to read 4 pages of smutty, smutty sex?

**DugaDugabowbow/ Redrightankle**: Another update! Hope you're still reading

**Second Star to the Left**: So I'm kinda waiting to see if you're going to grace me with a really long rant about not updatings. You could be almost as bad as soaringphoenix you lovely crazy types you.

**mar1966**: Most indeed, Evil and torturous indeed.

**Sparrow bubble**: I hope you're still reading, sorry for the delay.

**Myri78**: Cool! Hope you keep reading.

**Cat18**: Thanks I hope you're still reading

**SparrowVixen**: I'm still here, hope you are.


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